As I was driving through downtown I felt the call of my grumbling stomach to
stop for a cheese Danish at the bakery. But I am dieting and that is a
no-no.

So I prayed and asked God for divine direction. I said, “Lord, I will not
stop and get a Danish if there is no parking place on the block directly in
front of the bakery.” This would leave it totally up to Divine Providence.

And I only had to drive around the block seven times until a spot opened up
. . .

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Resolved: Midnight – I will stick with a diet until I’m back to my “wedding
weight”

January 1st – Maybe wedding weight is wishful thinking. I will at least get
my weight down below 200.

January 3rd – I will do a cardio work out 5 days a week.

January 5th – I will watch my calories until I get below 225.

January 7th – I will try to develop a realistic attitude about how many
donuts I consume [daily].

January 10th – I will try to jog 1 mile and do 30 sit-ups twice a week.

January 12th – I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 250.

January 15th – I will at least power-walk once a week.

January 17th – I will work at unwrapping and plugging in my Wii-Fit before
February

January 19th (today) – I will try to drive past a gym at least once this
week.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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[I asked friends on FaceBook to share diet/weight loss testimonials. Boy,
oh boy.]

Christie said “When you eat healthy, you don’t really live longer. It just
seems that way.”

Diane wrote, “If you are what you eat, then I should look like a tossed
salad and pizza.”

Sue sent in, “I’m good for the shape I’m in. Round is a shape, right?”

“I can’t drink alcohol on my low-carb diet, so I replace it with a couple
shots of gravy with a twist of bacon,” I confessed quietly.

Teresa said, “If I put a crouton on my sundae instead of a cherry, It counts
as a salad.”

Kim testified, “I had a diet shake breakfast and a meal-replacement bar for
lunch. For my afternoon workout, I chewed through a whole bag of Tootsie
Rolls.”

My doctor said, “What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a
day or being dead 24 hours a day?”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Forget love; I’d rather fall in chocolate.

I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of
789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and
that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food.

It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a
homegrown tomato.

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial
flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

You are what you eat. For example, if you eat garlic you’re apt to be a
hermit.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled
as good as bacon.

It’s so beautifully arranged on the plate – you know someone’s fingers have
been all over it.

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to
eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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I’ve found you can lose weight if you remember there are two things you
should NEVER eat before breakfast. Lunch and Dinner.

It is not the minutes spent at the table that make you fat. It’s the
seconds.

You CAN go on a diet even if the refrigerator is still full and New Year’s
Day was 2 weeks ago.

Studies show that most people gain weight in certain places.
Like the Bakery, Pizza Hut, Starbucks, Baskin-Robbins . . .

By the time I’m thin, fat will be ‘in’.

Never eat more than you can lift. (Miss Piggy)

Remember that on a cruise you walk up the gangway as a passenger but
disembark as cargo.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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[All January our Grif.Net blog focuses on diet and our struggle with weight.
Every weekday it is designed to help you chuckle. But since most of the
battle is fought about 4 inches above the mouth, some MOTIVATIONAL MESSAGES
seem appropriate for this more serious weekend submission.]

“The tragedy in life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies
in having no goal to reach.”
~Benjamin Mays

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is
always to try just one more time.”
~Thomas A. Edison

“The rest of the world lives to eat, while I eat to live.”
~Socrates

“We never repent of having eaten too little.”
~Thomas Jefferson

“Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.”
~Peter De Vries

“Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the
baggage, the shorter the trip.”
~Arnold H. Glasgow

“Feed sparingly and defy the physician.”
~James Howell

“More die in the United States of too much food than too little.”
~John Kenneth Galbraith

“Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections.”
~Saint Francis de Sales

“Victory belongs to the most persevering.”
~Napoleon

“Never, never, never quit.”
~Winston Churchill

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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[Jack forwarded this testimonial]

Needing to shed a few pounds, my husband and I went on a diet January 1st
that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. I followed the
instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our
individual plates.

We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful-we never felt hungry!
But after twelve days we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it. So
I checked the recipes again.

In fine print, I was shocked to read: “Serves 6.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Dieting is the penalty for living beyond your seams.

Dieting is no piece of cake.

Dieting is wishful shrinking.

Dieting is for those who bend over and are exposed in the end.

Dieting is when you have to go to some length to change your width.

Dieting is trying to take your breadth away.

Dieting is for those who are too big for their britches.

Dieting is for losers.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Q. “Glad you want to try our diet, Mary. What’s the most you’ve ever
weighed?”
A. “One hundred fifty-nine pounds.”
Q. “And the least?”
A. “Six pounds, four ounces.”

~~
Q. What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?
A. It never eats.

~~
Q. “Doctor, this weight-loss patch is advertised to ‘stick it on, and the
pounds melt away’. Does it really work?”
A. “Sure does, but only if you put it over your mouth.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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[RD shared this story with me]

Although I knew I had put on a few pounds, I didn’t consider myself
overweight until the day I decided to clean my refrigerator. To get at the
lower shelves, I sat on a chair in front of the appliance and reached in to
wipe down the back wall.

While I was in this position, my teenage son came into the kitchen. “Hi,
Mom,” he said. “Whatcha doin’, having lunch?”

I started my diet that afternoon.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Reading the paper about diet and health in various parts of the world, and I
was stunned. Did you know . . .

Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than us.

Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart
attacks than us.

My conclusion? Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently
what kills you.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Sunday, Jan 1 – I tried to climb the mountain today. As I inched my way up
the path, I felt out of breath and had to turn back.

Monday, Jan 2 – I tried to climb the mountain today. But, It was so hot
outside, I thought I had better stay in my nice air-conditioned house and
rest up for tomorrow’s attempt.

Tuesday, Jan 3 – I tried to climb the mountain today. On my journey,
darkness started to fall and I was full of fear, so I had to return to a
safe place.

Wednesday, Jan 4 – I was ready to climb the mountain today. But I had so may
other things to do, so instead of climbing the mountain I took care of the
much more important tasks; I washed my car, mowed the grass and watched the
big game. Today the mountain will have to wait.

Thursday, Jan 5 – I was going to climb the mountain today. But as I stared
at the mountain in all its majestic beauty, I knew I had no chance of making
it to the top, so I figured why even begin trying.

Friday, Jan 6 – I had forgotten all about climbing the mountain today, until
an old friend came by and asked what I was up to lately. I told him about
all my plans to climb that mountain someday. I went on and on about how I
was going to accomplish the task.

He stopped me and said, “I just got back from climbing that mountain. For
the longest time I told myself I was going to try to climb it but never made
any progress. I almost let the dream of making it to the top die. I came up
with every excuse of why I could not make it up the mountain, but never once
did I give myself a reason why I could. One day as I stared at the mountain
and pondered, I realized that if I didn’t make an attempt at this dream then
all my dreams would eventually die.”

He continued, “The next morning, I started my climb. It was not easy, and at
times I wanted to quit. But no matter what I faced, I placed one foot in
front of the other, keeping a steady pace. When the wind tried to blow me
over the edge, I kept walking. When the voices inside my head screamed,
‘stop!’ I focused on my goal, never letting it out of sight. I kept moving
forward. I could not quit because I knew I had come too far to stop now.
Time and time again, I reassured myself that I was going to finish this
journey. I struggled mightily to make it to the top, but I CLIMBED THE
MOUNTAIN.”

“I have to be going,” my friend said. “Tomorrow is a new day to accomplish
more dreams. By the way what are you going to do tomorrow?”

I looked at him, with intensity and confidence in my eyes, and said, “I HAVE
A MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB.”

Saturday, Jan 7 –

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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“I’m going to try the ‘Garlic Diet’. You don’t lose much weight, but from a
distance your friends think you look thinner.”

“STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backwards.”

“I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.”

“God must love calories because He made so many of them.”

“Chocolate. Coffee. Men. Some things are just better rich.”

“Dieting seems to take the starch out of me.”

“I’m on the ‘Grapefruit Diet’. I eat everything except grapefruit.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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