While two families were waiting in line for the ferry to see the = Statue of Liberty, their two 5-year-old boys were getting acquainted. =   "My name is Joshua. What’s yours?" asked the first boy. =   "Adam," replied the second.   "My daddy is a doctor. What does…

An attorney, anxious to impress the judge with detail, asked the = following line of questions of a Medical Examiner who had recently = performed an autopsy.   Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a = pulse? A: No.   Q: Did you check for…

[While Bill = Gates and others have quoted this, it is original with Charles = Sykes.] RULE 1Life is not fair; get used to it. RULE = 2The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect = you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about = yourself.…

A friend wrote about her experience at the YMCA: “I felt = like my body had gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s = permission to join a fitness club and start = exercising.   Since I’m over 70, I opted to take a beginning aerobics class…

A police dog wanted to advance in his duties, so responded to an ad = for work with the FBI.   "Well," said the personnel director, "You’ll have to = meet some strict requirements.”   First, you must type at least 60 words per minute." =   Sitting down at…

[First weekday = of the month? Yep. More puns a’comin’] An auto club = tow truck stopped beside me at a street light today and the = driver’s head was down and he was wiping away tears. I thought to = myself, "That guy’s headed for a breakdown!" Most = weight…

I stopped at a fast-food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a = sign which offered “Fat-Free French Fries”. So I decided I = had to give them a try.   I was dismayed when the worker pulled a basket of fries from the = fryer, which was dripping with…

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout = Line   Two Russian Ships Collide, One Dies   Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 = Years   Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One   Drunken Drivers Paid $1000   Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should…

Pastor John Piper said, “The greatest = stumbling block for children in worship is that their parents do not = cherish the hour. Children can feel the difference between duty and = delight. Therefore, the first and most important job of a parent is to = fall in love with…

A recent legal immigrant from Poland went to our local DMV to apply = for a driver’s license. After passing the written test, he went to the = next station and was given a vision exam.   The technician showed him a card with the letters: ‘C Z W I…

A truck loaded with Vick’s Vapor Rub overturned on ta Wyoming = interstate. Amazingly, there was no congestion for 8 = hours.   If we put all the cars in America end to end, it would probably be = Labor Day Weekend.   A truck full of marmalade overturned down…

A woman was = found guilty in Traffic Court of an offense, and when asked her = occupation she replied that she was a 3rd grade = teacher.   The judge = solemnly rose from the bench.  “Madam, I’ve waited many = years for a teacher like you to appear…

[Can’t = make this up. 21 real song titles from past decades, including the = artist on whose records they were found.]   Loretta = Lynn/Conway Twitty – “You’re the Reason Our Kids Are so = Ugly”   Roy Clark – = “Thank God (and Greyhound) She’s = Gone”  …