TEN RULES OF =
HOUSEKEEPING
1. Vacuuming =
too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and =
shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet =
Fresh.
2. Dust =
bunnies can evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area =
under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an =
ecological exemption.
3. Layers of =
dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against =
harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and =
leave it alone.
4. Cobwebs =
artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby =
creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the =
light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, =
"What? And spoil the mood?"
5. In a pinch, =
you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and =
newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of =
a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you =
say this.
6. Explain the =
mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are =
collecting it there to use for stuffing handsewn play animals for =
underprivileged children.
7. If =
unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room =
and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, =
rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I’d love =
you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are =
SO expensive."
8. If dusting =
is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table =
and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her =
ashes."
9. Don’t =
bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an =
assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, =
"Junior did this a week before that unspeakable accident. I haven’t =
had the heart to clean it."
10. Mix =
one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water =
in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in =
conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself =
onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don’t =
get anywhere."
~~
Dr Bob Griffin =
[email protected] =
www.grif.net
"Jesus =
Knows Me, This I Love!"