[The following are two proposed =
additions to the periodic table of elements – yes, the one you HAD to =
memorize in high school chemistry class]
**Element name: =
woman
Symbol: =
WO
Atomic weight: (don’t even go =
there)
Physical properties: Generally =
round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts when =
treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.
Chemical properties: Very =
active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, =
platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb =
great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a =
shinier specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An =
extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most =
powerful income-reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in =
inexperienced hands.
**Element name: =
man
Symbol: XY =
Atomic weight: (200 =
+/-50)
Physical properties: Solid at =
room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and =
sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging =
samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young =
samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts =
to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds =
with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: child) for =
prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with deep-fried =
food.
Usage: None known. Possibly =
good source of methane. Good specimens are able to produce large =
quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, =
this element rapidly decomposes and begins to =
smell.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin =
[email protected] www.grif.net =
"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"