Grif.Net

12/31/16 Weekend Grif.Net – Dialog with Depression

12/31/16 Weekend Grif.Net – Dialog with Depression

DIALOG WITH DEPRESSION

 

Tossing.  Turning.  Churning.  =
Antacid.

Scalding tears.  =
Again.  Headache.  Again.  Aspirin.

Heart strings being tuned tighter and tighter, =

Come on, one more notch, please…tighter.

 

Someday soon that string will go PING!
And =
There won’t be any more music in my soul.

It is so frayed already.  It can’t be long =
now.

Antidepressants.  =
Tranquilizers.  Blood Pressure pills.

 

Tossing.  Turning.  Churning.  =
Clenched teeth.

Stiff neck.  =
Charlie Horses.  Twitches.  Ouch!

I’m drowning.  HELP!  Keep treading =
water, Honey,
And get "one more thing" done before you =
go-UNDER.

 

3:00 a.m.  I’ve GOT to get some sleep.  =
Sleeping pill.

Swallow my guilt =
along with it. 

Why would =
"a real Christian" need a sleeping pill?

Well, hope it takes my headache too.  =

 

What do you take for a heartache?

A real Christian?  More like a nervous =
breakdown
Looking for a place to happen.

Everything’s so fouled up.

 

How =
come life has become one continuous panic attack?

In the lonely blackness I sense how very fragile my =
frantic grip. 
Just let go.  Just go ahead and =
SNAP!

It wouldn’t take much to go =
over the edge.

 

CAN’T =
keep doing twice as much in half as much time.

OK, be honest.  Am I inviting Suicide to =
attend my pity party?

Might.  =
Could.  Maybe should.

Oh, =
Lord, help me!  Why am I even letting these thoughts Enter my =
mind?

 

Besides, that would only relieve =
ME.

I’d be safe in the arms of =
Jesus, able to rest in Him at last.

But it would break my family’s hearts and mess up =
THEIR lives.

So I won’t do =
it.  But I could.  And maybe should.

 

Put =
the brakes on, Honey.  Hang in there, you!

You ARE safe in the arms of Jesus ALREADY, =
Dummy!

You COULD be resting in Him =
this very minute, Foolish Girl,
Instead of spewing and =
stewing!

 

Safe in His arms, like in the popular reading =
"Footprints in the Sand".

It IS just that He IS having to carry me right =
now

But it’s really that I should =
have been LETTING Him carry me

ALL =
ALONG.

 

I guess that is what this whole mess is =
ABOUT.

I’ve been trusting =
"us" to somehow make it.

I’ve been trusting "me" to somehow keep =
us all together.

I’ve put feet to =
my prayers so much I forgot to PRAY.

 

I =
forgot to obey His will for my "work".  I disobeyed His =
law of "rest".

I went =
where I did not belong, ahead of His will, over my =
head.

And thought I could muddle =
through, though drowning, exhausted.

I thought I was "SuperWoman".  I =
forgot I am only DUST.

 

I bit =
off more than I could chew

And =
everything else got chewed up in the process.

I was so busy serving Him I didn’t have time to =
trust Him.

I tried to take care of =
everyone else, and forgot to take care of ME.

 

So the =
Lord put His finger on the sore spot.

The truth is lanced at last.

All this agony has been over

Whether or not I’m going to TRUST and OBEY =
Him!

 

Tonight’s insomniac fever in my =
brain

Will break me…or make =
me…tonight.

Oh, God, help =
Thou mine unbelief!

May I learn =
the lesson.  May I be well again someday.

 

Gently.  Blessedly.  Tenderly.  =
Jesus poured The Balm of Gilead over my mutilated heart, =

Cups of Cold Water over my =
dehydrated spirit.

The Still Small =
Voice whispered sweetest comfort to my soul.

The Great Physician would heal my mind and body, =
too.

 

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their =
strength!

For God hath not given =
us the spirit of fear, but of…a sound mind!

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord, is =
laid for your faith in His excellent Word!

There’s no other way to be happy in Jesus but to =
trust and obey!,

 

Turn =
over one more time.  Yawn.  Relax.

Snuggle down into His arms.  =
Rest.

For He giveth His beloved =
sleep.

G’Night, Lord–and =
THANKS.

 

[This was written in 1988 by my sweet wife Teresa. =
She was diagnosed with a terminal illness. For months previously she had =
been fighting a battle with depression, unknown to the rest of us, =
within herself.  We share this serious message with those who, =
because personal struggles or because of the precarious state of the =
world, might have this same discussion.

BTW, God graciously =
allowed Teresa to live in spite of the universal diagnosis.  She =
grew through this struggle, raised our family, earned her doctorate in =
natural health, founded her own alternative health clinic www.phr.net and has been a godly, =
compassionate pastor’s wife all these years.]

 

~~

Dr Bob Griffin =

bob@grif.net www.grif.net =

"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"