DIALOG WITH DEPRESSION
Tossing. Turning. Churning. =
Antacid.
Scalding tears. =
Again. Headache. Again. Aspirin.
Heart strings being tuned tighter and tighter, =
Come on, one more notch, please…tighter.
Someday soon that string will go PING!
And =
There won’t be any more music in my soul.
It is so frayed already. It can’t be long =
now.
Antidepressants. =
Tranquilizers. Blood Pressure pills.
Tossing. Turning. Churning. =
Clenched teeth.
Stiff neck. =
Charlie Horses. Twitches. Ouch!
I’m drowning. HELP! Keep treading =
water, Honey,
And get "one more thing" done before you =
go-UNDER.
3:00 a.m. I’ve GOT to get some sleep. =
Sleeping pill.
Swallow my guilt =
along with it.
Why would =
"a real Christian" need a sleeping pill?
Well, hope it takes my headache too. =
What do you take for a heartache?
A real Christian? More like a nervous =
breakdown
Looking for a place to happen.
Everything’s so fouled up.
How =
come life has become one continuous panic attack?
In the lonely blackness I sense how very fragile my =
frantic grip.
Just let go. Just go ahead and =
SNAP!
It wouldn’t take much to go =
over the edge.
CAN’T =
keep doing twice as much in half as much time.
OK, be honest. Am I inviting Suicide to =
attend my pity party?
Might. =
Could. Maybe should.
Oh, =
Lord, help me! Why am I even letting these thoughts Enter my =
mind?
Besides, that would only relieve =
ME.
I’d be safe in the arms of =
Jesus, able to rest in Him at last.
But it would break my family’s hearts and mess up =
THEIR lives.
So I won’t do =
it. But I could. And maybe should.
Put =
the brakes on, Honey. Hang in there, you!
You ARE safe in the arms of Jesus ALREADY, =
Dummy!
You COULD be resting in Him =
this very minute, Foolish Girl,
Instead of spewing and =
stewing!
Safe in His arms, like in the popular reading =
"Footprints in the Sand".
It IS just that He IS having to carry me right =
now
But it’s really that I should =
have been LETTING Him carry me
ALL =
ALONG.
I guess that is what this whole mess is =
ABOUT.
I’ve been trusting =
"us" to somehow make it.
I’ve been trusting "me" to somehow keep =
us all together.
I’ve put feet to =
my prayers so much I forgot to PRAY.
I =
forgot to obey His will for my "work". I disobeyed His =
law of "rest".
I went =
where I did not belong, ahead of His will, over my =
head.
And thought I could muddle =
through, though drowning, exhausted.
I thought I was "SuperWoman". I =
forgot I am only DUST.
I bit =
off more than I could chew
And =
everything else got chewed up in the process.
I was so busy serving Him I didn’t have time to =
trust Him.
I tried to take care of =
everyone else, and forgot to take care of ME.
So the =
Lord put His finger on the sore spot.
The truth is lanced at last.
All this agony has been over
Whether or not I’m going to TRUST and OBEY =
Him!
Tonight’s insomniac fever in my =
brain
Will break me…or make =
me…tonight.
Oh, God, help =
Thou mine unbelief!
May I learn =
the lesson. May I be well again someday.
Gently. Blessedly. Tenderly. =
Jesus poured The Balm of Gilead over my mutilated heart, =
Cups of Cold Water over my =
dehydrated spirit.
The Still Small =
Voice whispered sweetest comfort to my soul.
The Great Physician would heal my mind and body, =
too.
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their =
strength!
For God hath not given =
us the spirit of fear, but of…a sound mind!
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord, is =
laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
There’s no other way to be happy in Jesus but to =
trust and obey!,
Turn =
over one more time. Yawn. Relax.
Snuggle down into His arms. =
Rest.
For He giveth His beloved =
sleep.
G’Night, Lord–and =
THANKS.
[This was written in 1988 by my sweet wife Teresa. =
She was diagnosed with a terminal illness. For months previously she had =
been fighting a battle with depression, unknown to the rest of us, =
within herself. We share this serious message with those who, =
because personal struggles or because of the precarious state of the =
world, might have this same discussion.
BTW, God graciously =
allowed Teresa to live in spite of the universal diagnosis. She =
grew through this struggle, raised our family, earned her doctorate in =
natural health, founded her own alternative health clinic www.phr.net and has been a godly, =
compassionate pastor’s wife all these years.]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin =
[email protected] www.grif.net =
"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"