“Daddy, can we build a =
birdhouse today?” my 7-year-old daughter, Makenah, asked me early =
one Saturday morning as I was knee-deep in a “honey-do” =
project list.
“Well, … “ I =
hesitated. With a house and four children under 8, I had discovered that =
my project list never ended. I had tucked away the birdhouse =
instructions for weeks, after promising Makenah we would build it =
someday.
I paused a moment and took to =
heart my wife’s daily mantra: “Let’s make a =
memory.” Then without further hesitation, I decided that =
“someday” had just arrived.
“OK, Makenah. Let’s =
build that birdhouse.”
We spent the afternoon =
measuring, cutting and piecing together spare cedar planks in the =
garage. Makenah colored arrows, directing the birds to the food. As we =
worked, our talk drifted to home schooling.
After finishing first grade at =
the local school, Makenah had asked us to home school her. My wife and I =
had carefully selected a curriculum and started setting up the classroom =
in the basement for autumn.
I was curious. “Makenah, =
why do you want to be home-schooled?”
Her response astounded me. =
“I just like you guys. I like being home with our =
family.”
Amid the hustle and bustle of =
our birdhouse project, time stood still. We had just experienced a =
moment I’ll always treasure. Had I not set aside my agenda and =
taken several hours of my time to build that simple birdhouse, we never =
would have uncovered that wonderful moment.
Seven weeks later, memories =
such as this one were all I had left of my family. As we drove home from =
a relative’s wedding one stormy evening, our minivan was caught in =
a flash flood. The rushing torrent swept me out the driver’s side =
window, and about a half-mile from the highway, I somehow managed to =
pull myself up the south bank of the flooded =
creek.
I was the only survivor. My =
wife of nearly 12 years and all four of our children went home to =
heaven.
This can’t be happening, =
I kept saying to myself. Not to me. Not to my beautiful =
family.
As my grief gushed forth and =
reporters clamored for a slice of the story, my “life of no =
regrets” came into the spotlight. I had no regrets because I had =
cherished my family while they were still alive, devoting generous =
amounts of time to them each day.
As parents, we all have the =
best intentions of spending plenty of time with our families. But amid =
our hectic lives, we notch out 15 minutes of “quality” time =
because we believe that’s all we can squeeze in. We hope to create =
an unforgettable, treasured moment with our child before moving on to =
the next task at hand.
But the reality is, we =
can’t plan the treasured moments we long for any more than we can =
plan a miracle or a Christmas morning snowfall. We all know how fleeting =
those moments can be — when you are walking down the trail and see =
a shooting star together; when you are fishing and your child shares his =
heart; when you are eating at the kitchen table and everyone bursts into =
laughter.
For these treasured moments to =
emerge, it takes sizeable chunks of time to foster them. It takes =
deliberate choices in everyday life: eating meals, walking around the =
block, going to the store, repairing the house or fixing the car =
together. These everyday settings naturally give way to remarkable =
moments.
In the daily details of family =
life, filled with seemingly mundane events, we can choose to generously =
share our time with our children and capture those cherished =
moments.
The kitchen table is a =
wonderful starting place. Ours had seen so much life: spills, bills, =
birthdays and holidays, turkeys, cookies, cakes, pizza, ice cream. A =
kitchen table is a simple object yet such a powerful tool for bonding a =
family. The mealtime experience can create memories that endure a =
lifetime.
Taking children on errands and =
to work also creates precious opportunities. It builds a rapport that =
paves the way for free flowing conversation. I took my kids on business =
trips regularly, and because I did, we savored many priceless moments =
together.
Despite the perpetual pain of =
missing my family, I have peace because I cherished them while I could. =
I built that birdhouse with Makenah — seven weeks before it was =
too late. We spent quantity time with our children; I have no =
regrets.
Today, start living a life of =
no regrets with your family. Make a memory. None of us is guaranteed =
tomorrow.
[by Robert Rogers]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin =
[email protected] www.grif.net =
"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"