Jay Leno =3D “I bought my =
Christmas tree today. I think I made a mistake, though. I bought the =
three year extended warranty. I don’t think I need =
that.”
· =
Phyllis Diller =3D "What I don’t like about =
office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next =
day."
· =
· =
Wanda Sykes =3D "I love my family but =
my family — they’re the type of people that never let you forget =
anything you ever did. I was in the first grade Christmas play — I’m =
playing Mary. Now, during the course of the play, I dropped the baby =
Jesus… They still talk about this. I go to my family reunion, and one =
of my cousins just had a baby. So I’m like, ‘Oh, that’s a cute little =
baby. Let me hold the baby.’ And my aunt runs over, ‘Don’t you give her =
that baby! You know she dropped the baby =
Jesus!’"
· =
· =
Johnny Carson =3D “Mail your packages =
early so the post office can lose them in time for =
Christmas.”
· =
· =
Demetri Martin =3D "I set a personal record =
on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had =
all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping =
them, and I realized, ‘NO! I used the wrong wrapping paper.’ The =
paper I used said, ‘Happy Birthday.’ I didn’t want to waste it, so I =
just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it."
· =
Jerry Seinfeld =
=3D "That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by =
people other than me."
· =
Anthony Jeselnik =3D "This past Christmas, =
I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an =
Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got =
me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. =
Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox."
Bob Griffin =
=3D “At this time of year I always try to remember that =
ST=
RESSED is just&n=
bsp;DESSERTS spelled backward.&=
#8221;
~~
Dr Bob Griffin =
[email protected] www.grif.net =
"Jesus Knows Me, This I =
Love!"