07/30/15 Grif.Net – State of Definitions

07/30/15 Grif.Net – State of Definitions

[My good buddy Ken H from MinneSOta, forwarded this and since I was born in
that desolate wilderness, I laughed out loud . . ]

Pop –
Elsewhere: a sound that can be annoying or startling.
In Minnesota: carbonated beverages.

Winter –
Elsewhere: a season that has cold temperatures. Maybe some snow.
In Minnesota: welcome to your frozen hellscape. Enjoy excessive winds and
snow for the next seven months!

Manners –
Elsewhere: someone saying “thank you” is viewed with severe mistrust.
In Minnesota: taught from birth and virtually required.

Lakes –
Elsewhere: dirty bodies of water. Are they even chlorinated?
In Minnesota: the best place for summer recreation, bar none. Water-skiing,
cooling off from the sweltering heat, and fishing, you can do it all on the

Basketball –
Elsewhere: it’s a sport.
In Minnesota: it’s a way of life (NOT T-wolves; but the high school and
college variety).

Cheese –
Elsewhere: a tasty dairy food that comes in varying flavors and shapes.
In Minnesota: evil professional sports icon from those people across the
river who’ve actually won Super bowl trophies.

Beach –
Elsewhere: a nice, sandy area that’s in between the land and the ocean.
In Minnesota: any strip of land (rocky, slightly sandy, dirty, etc.) that’s
at the edge of any kind of water (lake, river, pond, puddle).

Ice –
Elsewhere: an indoor surface on which you skate or play hockey.
In Minnesota: that thing that makes every time you leave your house in the
winter a matter of life or death.

Snow Days –
Elsewhere: one inch of snow? Cancel everything! Get me FEMA!
In Minnesota: you can get out of the door? See you in school.

Spring –
Elsewhere: a nice transitional season.
In Minnesota: the most mixed bag of them all. Sure, there’s the beginning of
the baseball season, but there’s also the bipolar weather. The forecast
called for sunny? Where’s the tornado? Don’t even get started on the

Fair –
Elsewhere: one way to describe someone who makes reasonable decisions.
In Minnesota: a place where you can have some of the best deep-fried
“food-on-a-stick” you’ll ever have in your life.

Shorts Weather –
Elsewhere: getting down to 60 degrees today? Better bust out the parka.
In Minnesota: “Honey, it’s getting up into the teens today! Let’s get the
grill out! Call the neighbors!”

Midwest –
Elsewhere: that area you fly over when you’re going from New York to
In Minnesota: the best place ever, no competition necessary.

Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”