[To conclude our week of food tips and tests, here in something to consider
about food/drink that just may be past its prime]
The Gag Test – Anything that makes you gag is spoiled except for leftovers
from what you cooked for yourself last night.
Eggs – When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg
should probably be used in the next few days.
Dairy Products – Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt
is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is
spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is
nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can’t get any more spoiled than it is
Mayonnaise – If it makes you violently ill after you eat it and you wish you
were dead, mayonnaise may be past its prime.
Frozen Foods – Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the
defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled —
or wrecked, anyway — by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
Meat – If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a
three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
Lettuce – Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can’t get it off the bottom of
the vegetable crisper without Comet.
Canned Goods – Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a
basketball should be disposed of. Carefully.
Carrots – A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
Wine – It should not taste like salad dressing.
Potatoes – Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy
Chip Dip – If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the
floor, it has gone bad.
General Rule Of Thumb – Most food cannot be kept longer than the average
lifespan of a hamster. Therefore, keeping a hamster in your refrigerator is
a good investment.
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”