Grif.Net

05/20/15 Grif.Net – Coffee Addict

05/20/15 Grif.Net – Coffee Addict

[After yesterday’s important warning about “bread”, Pastor Dan responded:
“One really crummy post from a crusty old man. No matter how you slice it,
is this half-baked post something we kneaded?”

Alrighty then. Today we turn from bread to coffee. Keep a tally of the YES
responses to these 30 simple questions to test your level of addiction]

1. Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?
2. Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it’s easier?
3. Have you ever awakened in a puddle of your own coffee?
4. Do you find that it’s easier to drink more coffee than to go to sleep?
5. Have you ever drunk cold coffee?
6. Have you ever drunk coffee out of the pot?
7. Do you have a coffee cup that contains more than a normal cup?
8. Has anyone ever told you that you “have a problem” drinking too much
coffee?
9. Do you need coffee to get up in the morning?
10. Do you need coffee to get out of bed?
11. Have you ever desired coffee to be injected intravenously to stimulate
blood-flow?
12. Do Native North American Aboriginal Indians call you “Ona mac towanda”
(Smells-like-coffee)?
13. Does the phrase “Swiss water decaffeinated” strike terror into your
heart?
14. Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room of your house?
15. Do you have a coffee maker in your bathroom?
16. Have you ever gone to sleep at night just so you can get up and have
that first cup of coffee?
17. Do the people at Second Cup refuse do give you free coffee cards
anymore?
18. Have you ever been evicted from a Starbucks?
19. Have you ever drunk an entire pot of coffee on your own?
20. Do you grind your own coffee? (bonus point for using only your teeth)
21. Do you grow your own coffee plants at home?
22. Do you know Juan Valdez?
23. Have you considered adopted Juan’s donkey as a pet?
24. Do you have a T-shirt, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s coffee.”
25. Do you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear a Keurig start?
26. When someone says “How are you?”, do you answer, “Good to the last
drop”?
27. Did you assume CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation”?
28. Do you want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in
a coffee can?
29. Have you attended AA meetings just for the free coffee?
30. Have you ever introduced your spouse as your “Coffeemate”?

Analysis:

YES 22-30 = You are a well-rounded member of society with a love for life
and you are very wise.

YES 15-21 = You are a slightly jagged member of society, life’s okay but it
could be better and you are relatively naive.

YES 0-15 = What are you, some kinda nature-freak tree-hugger? Coffee’s not
good enough for you, huh? Here, have some more tofu! How about some alfalfa
tea? You Commie Slime!

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
[email protected] www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”