I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
I didn’t have the money to repair my brakes, so I made the horn louder.
I saw a sign: “Rest Area 25 Miles”. That’s pretty big. Some people must be
I only borrow money from pessimists. They don’t expect it back.
I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it is. Every
once in a while I’ll be listening to the radio and I’ll say, “I think I
might have written that.”
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it’s
going to be up all night.
I was born by Caesarian section, but the only way you’d notice is that when
I leave my house, I go out through the window.
When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five
minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.
Today I am working on inventing the cordless extension cord.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I decide to boycott shampoo and demand the REAL poo instead.
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”