09/08/14 Grif.Net – Lite to the World

09/08/14 Grif.Net – Lite to the World

Has the heaviness of your old fashioned church got you weighed down? Try us!
We are the new and improved Lite Church of Wyoming.

Studies have shown we have 24% fewer commitments than other churches. We
guarantee to trim off guilt, because we are Low-Cal. (Low Calvin, that is.
It’s all about our experience, not God. Our motto is “If it’s going to be,
it’s up to me!”)

We are the home of the 7.5% tithe with a Malachi 3 promise that any money
invested will bring returns out of this world. For your convenience we offer
online tithing, in-foyer tithe kiosks, as well as in-sanctuary food services
directly to your smart phone.

We have a 30-minute guarantee for worship services, with 10-minute sermons
OR your next service is FREE!

And only one service a month, repeated 6 times and streaming video 24/7.
Next month’s exciting text is the story of the Feeding of the 3,000.

We have only 7 Commandments – – You choose which ones to apply to you and
those around you.

We use just 3 gospels in our contemporary New Testament “Good Sound Bites
for Modern Human Beings”.

We take the offering every other week, PayPal and all major credit cards
accepted, of course. Or use our easy payment plan.

Notice: We are closed on major holidays, not wanting to mix religion in on
important times like Christmas, Easter and, of course, the first week of
hunting season.

Yes, the New and Improved Lite Church of Wyoming could be just what you are
looking for. We are everything you want in a church . . . and less!

Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”