03/18/14 Grif.Net – Avoiding Exercise

03/18/14 Grif.Net – Avoiding Exercise

[I am working on some honest but oh-so-misleading lines about my daily
exercise regimen. I want people to think I am a ‘fitness’ buff. Sadly,
‘fatness’ is a more accurate word. But you are free to try these out.]

*I named my dog ‘Five Miles’ so I can tell folks I walked five miles today.

*I have a small block of wood in the bedroom. Each morning I circle that
piece of wood five times. Honest report then is that I’ve walked around the
block five times this morning.

*I look in a mirror and note that I have skin covering my body. Therefore I
can honestly call myself a skinny person.

*Every day I try to run a little and jump, too. Often I fail to mention
that my exercise is running late for work and jumping to conclusions.

*If we “are what we eat”, then I need to find a skinny person right away.

*I only eat health food. Brownies are good for my mental health.

*Instead of the ‘john’ I call my bathroom ‘jim’. That way I can tell
everyone that I go to the jim every morning.

Okay. I’m done. I need to lose weight and exercise. Wife says I can’t
sugar-coat it; if I did, I’d probably eat that, too.

Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”