[Scott send this about 15 years ago and can’t recall if we’ve used it. Still
brought a smile, so enjoy.]
Has the heaviness of your old-fashioned church got you weighted down? Try
us! We are the New and Improved “LITE CHURCH of the Valley”.
**Studies have shown we have 24% fewer commitments than other churches.
**We guarantee to trim off guilt, because we are Low-Cal.
(Low Calvin, that is.)
**We are the home of the 4.99% (5.75% apr) tithe.
**We promise 35 minute worship services, with 7 minute sermonettes.
**Next Sunday’s exciting text is the story of the Feeding of the 500.
**We have only 6 Commandments – Your choice!!
**We use just 3 gospels in our contemporary New Testament “Good 30-Second
Sound Bites for Modern Human Beings”.
**We take the offering every other week! (All major credit cards accepted)
**We are closed the first week of Deer Hunting Season.
**We are looking forward with great anticipation to our 300 year Millennium.
Yes, the New and Improved “LITE CHURCH of the Valley” could be just what you
are looking for. We are everything you want in a church . . . and less!
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
[email protected] www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”