[This weekend my bride hit 64 and joined me on the verge of Medicare. Got me thinking about hymns meaningful to us “senior saints”.] Give Me that Old Timer Religion Precious Lord, Take My Hand (and Help Me, I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up) Just a Slower Walk with…

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her 2nd grade class memorize Psalm 23, one of the most quoted passages in the Bible. She gave the children a month to learn the chapter. One little boy was excited about the task, but he just couldn’t memorize the Psalm. Although he…

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote. 8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new…

Three churches in town had “revival meetings” at the same week. After the revivals concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Evangelical Free minister said, “The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families.” The Assemblies of God pastor added, “We did…

An elderly lady was well known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout, “Praise the Lord!” Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no…

Living dead Business ethics New classic Sweet sorrow Plastic glasses Tight slacks Pretty ugly Exact estimate Found missing Act naturally Resident alien Genuine imitation Hospital food Same difference Alone together Silent scream Small crowd Soft rock Military intelligence Taped live Clearly misunderstood Definite maybe Working vacation Good grief Almost exactly…

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. = He thought he was God and I didn’t.   I used to have a handle on life, but it = broke.   You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to = me.   I’m not a compete idiot — some…

Jesus loves me, this I know, Though my hair is white as snow. Though my sight is growing dim, Still He bids me trust in Him. (CHORUS) Though my steps are oh, so slow, With my hand in His I’ll go On through life, let come what may, He’ll be…

[Errata – “Concord Hymn” was written by Emerson, not Longfellow. Glad that yesterday’s grif.net was a blessing to those who, like me, are sticklers for detail and pointed out in many emails from those who saw the glitch. Happy to provide fodder.] For those who push speed limits, here are…

By the rude bridge that arched the = flood, Their flag to April’s breeze = unfurled, Here once the embattled farmers = stood, And fired the shot heard round the = world.   The foe long since in silence = slept; Alike the conqueror silent = sleeps; And Time the…

[Helping students see history on this important April = day]   Teacher: What happened as a result of the Stamp Act? = Student: The Americans licked the British!   Teacher: Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell? = Student: Yeah, it cracked me up!   Teacher: What was…

Heard it was “Tax Season”, so assumed I can hunt any IRS agent I see. Anyone know it there is a limit on ’em? Two things you need to know about taxes. They’ve extended the deadline to April 17, and when you write your check, just make it out to…

1 – I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. 2 – I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you. 3 – You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.…