For 2012 I decided to make several New Year’s resolutions that I COULD keep,
that would make me feel GOOD and SUCCESSFUL (rather than feel defeated about
failing to keep them as I have others years). So here are my TOP 12
RESOLUTIONS on the to-do list. Will post on Dec 31, 2012 (Lord willing) of
how I fared.

In 2012, I RESOLVE TO.

1. Gain weight, at least 50 pounds or more

2. Stop exercising. Big waste of time. Stresses my body.

3. Read less. Makes me think too much

4. Get further in debt

5. Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them

6. Focus on the faults of others

7. Mope about my own faults

8. Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some really good sit-coms

9. Procrastinate more. Start everything tomorrow

10. Stay off the International Space Station

11. Not have eight children at once

12. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a rope for a belt

Wow! One month down and already I’m on the road to success. I’m never again
going to make any New Year’s resolutions I can’t keep!

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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[A grif.net reader sent this testimonial]

I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape even with my diet. So I
got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But
by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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[January has been fun (and a couple days of humor still to come) with lots
of stories, jokes and subtle motivation toward dieting and gaining mastery
over this lump of clay we call a body. I hope you have enjoyed the laugh
and found some encouragement along the way. Here are some final thoughts.]

Mark Twain: Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man,
but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

Vince Lombardi: It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get
up.

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi: Not to have control over the senses is like
sailing in a rudderless ship, bound to break to pieces on coming in contact
with the very first rock.

Horace: Rule your mind or it will rule you.

Benjamin Franklin: You may delay, but time will not.

George Bernard Shaw: You see things; and you say “Why?” But I dream things
that never were; and I say “Why not?”

George S. Patton: You’re never beaten until you admit it.

Jim Rohn: Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.

Samuel Johnson: The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until
they are too strong to be broken.

Bob Griffin: Instead of giving myself more reasons why I can’t, I give
myself reasons why I can.

Carl Sandburg: The time for action is now. It’s never too late to do
something.

Elie Wiesel: Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that
which he exercises over himself.

Will Rogers: Even if you’re on the right track you’ll get run over if you
sit there.

Marvin Phillips: The difference between try and triumph is just a little
umph!

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Although I was only a few pounds overweight, my wife was harping on me to
diet. One evening we took a brisk walk downtown, and I surprised her by
jumping over a parking meter, leapfrog style.

Pleased with myself, I said, “How many fat men do you know who can do that?”

“One,” she retorted.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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[Gotten lots of advice in January to help diet-conscious Grif.Net readers.
Not all is GOOD advice, but lots of it nonetheless]

East a pint of ice cream each day to reduce your craving for sweets.

The handle on your Lazy-Boy Recliner qualifies as an exercise machine.

Do you call a person who has abandoned their diet a desserter?

Always stand next to a person fatter than you whenever possible.

Eat in private. If people never see you eat, they’ll believe you when you
say you have a thyroid problem.

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

Lose weight by eating more! Chewing burns more calories than not chewing.

As a healthy alternative, ask the fast food worker to wrap your triple
cheeseburger, fries and fruit pie in a low-fat tortilla.

Potato chips aren’t rubbery or blubbery like fat. They’re crisp and crunchy
like lettuce, proving they are diet food.

A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in
front of a mirror. Burger King always throws me out before I can eat too
much.

[Some that 'might' just work]

An excellent way to lose weight is by skipping … snacks and dessert.

The best way to lose weight is to have your stomach stapled . . to your
upper lip.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Lord, Grant me the strength that I may not fall
Into the clutches of cholesterol.

‘Poly-unsaturated’ I’ll never mutter,
The road to hell is paved with peanut butter.

All cake is cursed, and frosting awful,
And Satan is hiding in every waffle.

The fridge is full and I can’t stop;
Beelzebub is a lollipop.

Teach me the evils of hollandaise,
Of pasta and gobs of mayonnaise.

And crisp fried chicken from the South . .
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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My daughter couldn’t muster the willpower to lose unwanted pounds. One day,
watching a svelte friend walking up our driveway, she lamented to me,
“Lynn’s so skinny it makes me sick.”

“If it bothers you,” I suggested gently, “why don’t you do something about
it?”

“Good idea, Mom,” she replied. Turning to her friend, she called out, “Hey,
Lynn, let’s go out and have a malt and some chocolate cake.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely
fat.

Without a brain you might look good, but all you could do is run for public
office.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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I read about a woman named Pam, who knows the pain of considering abortion.
More than 24 years ago, she and her husband Bob were serving as missionaries
to the Philippines and praying for a fifth child. Pam contracted amoebic
dysentery, an infection of the intestine caused by a parasite found in
contaminated food or drink. She went into a coma and was treated with strong
antibiotics before they discovered she was pregnant.

Doctors urged her to abort the baby for her own safety and told her that the
medicines had caused irreversible damage to her baby. She refused the
abortion and cited her Christian faith as the reason for her hope that her
son would be born without the devastating disabilities physicians predicted.
Pam said the doctors didn’t think of it as a life, they thought of it as a
mass of fetal tissue.

While pregnant, Pam nearly lost their baby four times but refused to
consider abortion. She recalled making a pledge to God with her husband: “If
you will give us a son, we’ll name him Timothy and we’ll make him a
preacher.”

Pam ultimately spent the last two months of her pregnancy in bed and
eventually gave birth to a healthy baby boy August 14, 1987. Pam’s youngest
son is indeed a preacher. He preaches in prisons, makes hospital visits, and
serves with his father’s ministry in the Philippines. He also plays
football. We here in the Mountain West are pleased with the Denver Bronco
quarterback, Tim Tebow.

The University of Florida’s star quarterback became the first sophomore in
history to win college football’s highest award, the Heisman Trophy. His
current role as quarterback of the Denver Broncos has provided an incredible
platform for Christian witness.

Tim’s fame and Pam’s inspiring story have given her numerous opportunities
to speak on behalf of women’s centers across the country. Pam Tebow believes
that every little baby you save matters. I pray her tribe will increase!

~~
[This Sunday marks the anniversary of the modern American holocaust - Roe v
Wade decision to legally kill our own babies! Pray for God's healing grace
to those who have committed such atrocities, and His mercy on our nation.
If God does not judge America for this, He will have to apologize to Sodom
and Gomorrah.]

Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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As I was driving through downtown I felt the call of my grumbling stomach to
stop for a cheese Danish at the bakery. But I am dieting and that is a
no-no.

So I prayed and asked God for divine direction. I said, “Lord, I will not
stop and get a Danish if there is no parking place on the block directly in
front of the bakery.” This would leave it totally up to Divine Providence.

And I only had to drive around the block seven times until a spot opened up
. . .

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Resolved: Midnight – I will stick with a diet until I’m back to my “wedding
weight”

January 1st – Maybe wedding weight is wishful thinking. I will at least get
my weight down below 200.

January 3rd – I will do a cardio work out 5 days a week.

January 5th – I will watch my calories until I get below 225.

January 7th – I will try to develop a realistic attitude about how many
donuts I consume [daily].

January 10th – I will try to jog 1 mile and do 30 sit-ups twice a week.

January 12th – I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 250.

January 15th – I will at least power-walk once a week.

January 17th – I will work at unwrapping and plugging in my Wii-Fit before
February

January 19th (today) – I will try to drive past a gym at least once this
week.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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[I asked friends on FaceBook to share diet/weight loss testimonials. Boy,
oh boy.]

Christie said “When you eat healthy, you don’t really live longer. It just
seems that way.”

Diane wrote, “If you are what you eat, then I should look like a tossed
salad and pizza.”

Sue sent in, “I’m good for the shape I’m in. Round is a shape, right?”

“I can’t drink alcohol on my low-carb diet, so I replace it with a couple
shots of gravy with a twist of bacon,” I confessed quietly.

Teresa said, “If I put a crouton on my sundae instead of a cherry, It counts
as a salad.”

Kim testified, “I had a diet shake breakfast and a meal-replacement bar for
lunch. For my afternoon workout, I chewed through a whole bag of Tootsie
Rolls.”

My doctor said, “What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a
day or being dead 24 hours a day?”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Forget love; I’d rather fall in chocolate.

I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of
789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and
that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food.

It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a
homegrown tomato.

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial
flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

You are what you eat. For example, if you eat garlic you’re apt to be a
hermit.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled
as good as bacon.

It’s so beautifully arranged on the plate – you know someone’s fingers have
been all over it.

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to
eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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