[Martin Luther wrote this poem based on Psalm 130. In honor of the Reformation of the Church and return of the everlasting Gospel to proper understanding and emphasis, we share his heart this October 31st weekend.] From the depths of woe I raise to Thee the voice of lamentation; Lord,…

PUMPKIN CHRISTIANITY (forwarded by Charlene) A woman was asked by a coworker, “What is it like to be a Christian?” The coworker replied, “It is like being a pumpkin. God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then he cuts off…

A man goes to see the Rabbi. ‘Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.’ The Rabbi asked, ‘What’s wrong?’ The man replied, ‘My wife is poisoning me.’ The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, ‘How can that be?’ The man then pleads, ‘I’m…

A young cowboy from Wyoming went off to university. Half way through the semester, he had foolishly squandered all his money and called home. “Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol’ Blue,…

We all LOVE math. Some are funny, some clever, some very real and some just plain silly. 1. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but nine died. How many did he have left? 2. What digit is the MOST frequent between the numbers 1 and 1,000? 3. What digit is…

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. ‘Grant me one last request, dear,’ he pled. ‘Of course, John,’ his wife said softly. ‘Six months after I die,’ he said, ‘I want you to marry Bob.’ She was surprised. ‘But I thought you hated Bob?’ With his last breath John…

A father passing by his teenage daughter’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter…

Smith climbed to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asked the Lord, ‘God, what does a million years mean to you?’ The Lord replied, ‘A minute.’ Smith asked, ‘And what does a million dollars mean to you?’ The Lord replied,…

These feathered creatures have inspired a host of idioms in our language. Relating to chickens and their offspring, what word/phrase would mean . . . 1. Cowardliness? 2. Cautiousness? 3. Intelligent? 4. Retirement? 5. Right kind of person? 6. Feeling Foolish? 7. Hyper-active? 8. Prudent? 9. Dominated by wife? 10.…

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the…

[You’ve been asked to be Best Man at a wedding? Have some fun.] 1. After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom’s. Pick up the groom’s properly-fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to…

There will be no nursing home in my future… Nope. I’m going to live on a Cruise Ship year round! The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations, and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135…

Is there an imaginary cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their own actions? Is there some wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, ‘It’s their life,’ and feel nothing? When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital…