Saw a bunch of T-shirts in Alaska and British Columbia last couple weeks advertising places, towns, and glaciers. Yes, I have 2-3 in my dresser now. But thought THESE were more like “real life” slogans. I’m so busy I don’t know if I found a rope or lost a horse…

[On our ship dodging ice flows (no joke) in Tracy Arm Fjord in Alaska last week brought on a host of “Titanic” jokes. Here are some of the worst.] What was the last thing anyone said on the Titanic? ‘I know I ordered ice but this is ridiculous!’ The difference…

Three finalists all applied for the last available position on the Casper Police Department. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?” He got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. “To be a detective…

Heavenly Father, look down on us your humble, obedient cruising servants, who are doomed to cruise this earth, taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs, eating ourselves silly and walking around muggy Caribbean islands in drip-dry underwear. We beseech You, our Lord, to give us non-stop flights, to see that our…

[Fun poem by Shel Silverstein] My dad gave me one dollar bill ‘Cause I’m his smartest son, And I swapped it for two shiny quarters ‘Cause two is more then one! And then I took the quarters And traded them to Lou For three dimes– I guess he didn’t know…

1. (For this one, you have to know that it’s really easy to get lost in the maze of corridors and elevators on a ship.) A lady asked if this elevator went to the front of the ship. 2. Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors…

The National Motorists Association made a list of the top ten states for issuing speeding tickets. I am going to list #6-10 and your job, if you accept it, is to list (in order or hey, just get them at all) #1-5 BTW, I was pleased to see Wyoming was…

[Missing work next Monday will take some planning for a quality, believable excuse. Muse on these for a few days then feel free to try calling in one of these to the boss.] I can’t come in to work today because I’ll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me…

Top 10 Word Plays No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationary. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it. A boiled…

Johnny’s father picked him up from school one day. Knowing the audition results for the school play had been announced that morning, he asked his son if he got a part. Johnny excitedly exclaimed that he’d gotten a part: “I play a man who’s been married for twenty years.” “That’s…

[In honor of those flying today, I share my TOP 10 HUMOROUS ANNOUNCEMENTS by airline staff] Pilot on public intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.” —-o0o—…

[Remembering those who have suffered great adversity and pain in the struggle we call life] A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then…

Watching the young people walk past the house to/from high school caused me to question . . . Q. What do JC Penney’s and teenagers have in common? A. Pants 50% off. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”