I saw a neatly printed sign near the grocery store the other day that said: NEED HELP? CALL JESUS 1-800-005-3787 Out of curiosity, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

“Walking To School The First Day Back” by Misty Bus “What I Dislike About Returning To School” by Mona Lott “The Day the Car Pool Forgot Me” by I. Rhoda Bike “How to Join MENSA” by Gene Yuss “Can’t See the Chalkboard” by Sidney Backrow “Using Webster’s for Term Papers”…

In 1832, he was a 22-year old business failure. That same year he ran for the State Legislature and was defeated. In 1833, he was a business failure once again. In 1836, he suffered a nervous breakdown. In 1838, he lost in an effort to become Speaker of the House…

Aged 17, Marty had just received his first drivers license. The family trooped out to the driveway, and climbed in the car for him to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re…

Before going in for surgery I thought it would be funny if I posted a note on myself telling the surgeon to be careful. I used a magic marker across my stomach and chuckled thinking of the doctor’s reaction when he saw it. After the surgery I found that message…

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon, from New York, says, ‘I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’ The second, from Chicago, responds, ‘Yeah, but you should…

I thought I was having a BAD night when I woke up and found that my water bed had sprung a leak. Then I realized that it was a REALLY bad night. I don’t own a water bed. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

[School is starting so thought a few Student/Teacher laughs might brighten the dismal outlook (of teachers AND students)] Student: “I don’t think I deserved zero on this test!” Teacher: “I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!” ~~ Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in…

It is easy to look at our sports heroes and remember only their accomplishment and hall-of-fame careers. We forget that they set some “bad” records, too. But the focus should always be on the good when we are looking at others. And hope THEY are looking at us the same…

[A friend heard this story from Beth and claims it is true] My husband’s name is Bud and my name is Beth. After all the kids had grown and left home, my married son bought us an anniversary sign to hang outside by our house numbers at the front door.…

On a visit to the Mayan ruins at Tulum on the Yucatan Peninsula of Mexico, I was impressed by how many facts and details the local tour guide knew. I was especially entranced by the temple, and asked the guide for details. To this, the guide stated that archaeologists are…

An American, a Russian, and a North African were all up in a hot-air balloon together, but lost in the clouds. After a few minutes, the Russian put his hand down through the clouds. “Oh my!” he said. “We’re right over my homeland.” “How can you tell?” asked the American.…

Top Signs You’re at a Bad Motel 1. The “complimentary” newspaper tells you that President Kennedy has died. 2. The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it. 3. The “magic fingers vibration” is supplied by giving a quarter to the town epileptic. 4. There is…