Grif.Net

07/12/10 Grif.Net – Rules in My Kitchen

07/12/10 Grif.Net – Rules in My Kitchen

[My daughter is coming this week. She has a PHOBIA about our pantry,
cupboard, fridge and freezer. She must think we old folks can actually READ
those little expiration date codes on the boxes and cans. Or that we CARE.
Anyway, here are some “rules” to follow for food safety. You’re welcome.]

*If you can’t tell the difference between your ice cubes and your ice cream,
it’s time to throw BOTH out.

*Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in
your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the
time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

*When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably
past its prime.

*Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when
it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it
starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled
milk anyway – if you can dig down and still find something non-green, bon
appetite!

*If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block
radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat.

*Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster.
Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.

*Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be
disposed of… very carefully.

*Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

*Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable “spots”
that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy
looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has
turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment. You may wish to discard
it at this time, depending on your interest in pharmaceuticals.

*It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when
it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date, or when it will no
longer fall out of the box by itself.

*Flour is spoiled when it wiggles, or things fly out when you open it.

*Raisins should not usually be harder than your teeth.

*Most spices cannot die, they just fade away. They will be fine on your
shelf, forever. Put them in your will like we did. For your snoopy but
loving son or daughter.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
[email protected] www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”