TRUE/FALSE QUIZ ABOUT LAS VEGAS

1 Las Vegas means “the meadows” in Spanish.

2 More that half of Nevada’s 200,000+ slot machines are located here.

3 The first neon sign appeared in Las Vegas in 1954.

4 The average annual temperature in Las Vegas is 66 degrees (it will be 99
today)

5 It would take 300 years for one person to spend one night in every hotel
room in Las Vegas.

6 Shrimp consumption in Las Vegas is more than 60,000 pounds a day, more
that the rest of the country combined.

7 Las Vegas casinos give away $3 million of freebies per day to draw in
customers.

8 It’s against the law to pawn your dentures in Las Vegas.

9 The beam of light atop the Luxor in Las Vegas is made up of 39 individual
xenon lamps and costs $51 an hour in electricity.

10 Las Vegas has the highest number of unlisted phone numbers of any U.S.
city.

Bonus: More than 110,000 marriage licenses are issued in Las Vegas each
year.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Mariah Carey – “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all
over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that
but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

Matt Lauer (NBC Today Show) – “Researchers have discovered that chocolate
produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The
researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t
remember what they are.”

David Dinkins, New York City Mayor – “I haven’t committed a crime. What I
did was fail to comply with the law.”

Brooke Shields – “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very
important part of your life.”

Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC – “Outside of the killings, Washington
has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”

Jason Kidd (NBA star) – “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”

Hillary Clinton – “I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our
papers. We are the president.”

Congressional Candidate – “That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to
death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”

Dan Quayle:(US Vice President) – “I love California. I practically grew up
in Phoenix.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Grandma K sent me this insightful idea: “Let’s put the seniors in jail and
the criminals in a nursing home”.

This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks.
They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment,
wheel chairs etc. and they’d receive money instead of paying it out. They
would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly if
they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and
returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring
their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a
suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight
room, spiritual counseling, pool, and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ’s and legal aid on request would be
free. Private secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard and
gardens, would be standard.

Each senior could have a P.C. a T.V. radio, and daily phone calls. There
would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have
a code of conduct, that would be strictly adhered to.

In return, “criminals” would get cold food, be left all alone, and
unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny
room, and pay $5000.00 per month without hope of ever getting out.

Justice for all.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. “I
want a tooth pulled and I don’t want Novocain because I’m in a big hurry,”
the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible and we’ll be
on our way.”

The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he
said. “Which tooth is it?”

The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”

[Thanks, Roger]

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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A cowboy from Wyoming walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the
loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an
international rodeo for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he
was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for
the loan, so the Cowboy handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was
parked on the street in front of the bank. The Cowboy produced the title
and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as
collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the
Cowboy from Wyoming for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000
loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s
private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Cowboy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of
$23.07. The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your
business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a
little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn &
Bradstreet and found that you are a highly sophisticated investor and
multimillionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the
world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around
Wyoming .”

“What puzzles us is – why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The good ‘ole Wyoming boy replied, “Where else in New York City can I park
my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I
return?”

Don’t mess with Cowboys.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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[Bob J forwarded this from a 6th grade boy, and I'm STILL laughing]

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried
chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right,
everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried
chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my
teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what
happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the
other children.

So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She
sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not
to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher
doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what
famous person we admire most.

I told her, “Colonel Sanders”.

Guess where I am now . . .

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Went into a store and by the cash register they had “Our Customer Service
Policy” posted. They thought I was crazy when I copied this down to add to
the grif.net:

We offer service three ways:
Good
Quick
Cheap

You can have any TWO of the THREE:
If you want it quick and cheap, it won’t be good.
If you want it quick and good, it won’t be cheap.
If you want it cheap and good, it won’t be quick.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Linda was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a
dentist. Linda kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until
she noticed that her Mom was resting, with her eyes closed.

Linda marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook
her shoulder. “Mommy,” she yelled, “wake up! This is not church!”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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“In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here
in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be
treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to
discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or
origin. But this is predicated upon the person’s becoming in every facet an
American and nothing but an American.

There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American,
but something else also, isn’t an American at all. We have room for but one
flag, the American flag. We have room for but one language here, and that is
the English language. And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is
a loyalty to the American people.”

~~President Theodore Roosevelt, 1907 [verified for accuracy and intent]

[How low has our nation stooped to allow millions of illegal law-breaking
people of many nations invade across our country's sovereign borders? These
are not aliens like my grandfather or grandmother who legally entered and
became part of our nation. These are CRIMINALS and punishment should be
swift and severe. Yet we have people proudly saying they are
Mexican-Americans or African-Americans. We need another "Teddy" that will
say "nothing but American".]

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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I’m not saying I’m a great golfer, but yesterday after a round I commented,
“I’d move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course.”

“Try heaven,” my caddie advised.. “You’ve already moved most of the earth.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?”

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

In Russia they didn’t know what “honest” meant.

In Australia they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.

In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.

In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.

In Afghanistan they didn’t know what “solution” meant.

In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.

And in France they didn’t know what “please” meant.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Noah: “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head”

Adam and Eve: “Strangers in Paradise”

Lazarus: “The Second Time Around”

Esther: “I Feel Pretty”

Job: “I’ve Got a Right to Sing the Blues”

Jezebel: “The Lady is a Tramp”

Samson: “Hair”

Salome: “I Could Have Danced All Night”

Esau: “Born To Be Wild”

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: “Great Balls of Fire!”

The Three Kings: “When You Wish Upon a Star”

Elijah: “Up, Up, and Away”

Methuselah: “Stayin’ Alive”

Nebuchadnezzar: “Crazy”

Daniel: “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”

Joshua: “Good Vibrations”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he
was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. Then he put a
note under the windshield wiper that read: ‘I have circled the block 10
times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our
trespasses.’

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this
note: I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket
I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.’

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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