In the spirit of Chinese New Year, I feel I should share some words of
wisdom from a great Chinese sage.
Confucius says: “A lion will not betray his mate. But a Tiger wood.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”
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JACK (age 3) was watching his mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After
a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold
milk?’
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so
old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember [...]
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: [...]
[Excerpts from a sermon of a pastor in Virginia]
Genesis 47:13-27 (summarized; go read the story of Israel in Egypt)
Note that economic hard times fell upon Egypt, and the people turned to the
government of Pharaoh to deal with this for them. And Pharaoh nationalized
the grain harvest, and placed the grain in great storehouses that he had
built. [...]
Here are some characteristics of Computer “Geeks” or “Nerds”. See if you can
find yourself in any.
* Choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or to spend the money to
upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
* Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck gazing at the scenery and
you are still on a personal tour [...]
[I'm worried that my Windows Program is trying to take over my life. Here
are some recent messages I've received]
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
* CONGRESS.SYS corrupted… Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
* Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
* Press any key to continue or any [...]
My name is Spam.
Spam I Am.
I have some stuff I’d like to sell.
Take a look! It’s really swell!
I do not want your worthless spam.
I do not want it, Spam I Am.
[Spam I Am says]
$500 software that really rocks!
Just 20 bucks–still in the box!
You are really full of bunk.
I do not want your bootleg junk!
I do [...]
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two [...]
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to
happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s
definitely obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual
where you’d least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, [...]
[Pastor Jim in Kentucky shares this serious reminder]
“There’s a man goin’ ’round takin’ names. An’ he decides who to free and who
to blame. Everybody won’t be treated all the same. There’ll be a golden
ladder reaching down, when the man comes around. “—Johnny Cash
“Jesus would never judge anyone!” = 95% of Americans [Gallup Poll]
Every now [...]
Phoebe sent me this story:
One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2
years old. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a gift, and it was one
of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room reading the evening news
when I brought [...]
Dr Chan faced a mystery. Some of his most valuable artifacts of jade and
teak were taken in an apparent robbery.
Police found footprints that looked like a young lad, but something was not
right. So they set a hidden surveillance camera at other antique shops.
They were surprised to see that the robber was actually a [...]
This St. Patrick’s Day you’re likely to take part in that time honored
tradition of wearing green. If not, you risk punishment-by-pinch, an
especially popular custom on schoolyards and around office water coolers.
Thus, wearing green on St. Patrick’s Day is not only widely practiced, it’s
virtually required. It’s hard to imagine the holiday without green.
But I’ve always enjoyed [...]
