In the spirit of Chinese New Year, I feel I should share some words of wisdom from a great Chinese sage. Confucius says: “A lion will not betray his mate. But a Tiger wood.”  ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

JACK (age 3) was watching his mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’ MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t…

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how…

[Excerpts from a sermon of a pastor in Virginia] Genesis 47:13-27 (summarized; go read the story of Israel in Egypt) Note that economic hard times fell upon Egypt, and the people turned to the government of Pharaoh to deal with this for them. And Pharaoh nationalized the grain harvest, and…

Here are some characteristics of Computer “Geeks” or “Nerds”. See if you can find yourself in any. * Choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or to spend the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma. * Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck gazing at…

[I’m worried that my Windows Program is trying to take over my life. Here are some recent messages I’ve received] * Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. * CONGRESS.SYS corrupted… Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N) * Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N) * Smash forehead on keyboard to…

My name is Spam. Spam I Am. I have some stuff I’d like to sell. Take a look! It’s really swell! I do not want your worthless spam. I do not want it, Spam I Am. [Spam I Am says] $500 software that really rocks! Just 20 bucks–still in the…

Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As…

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s definitely obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you’d least expect to find…

[Pastor Jim in Kentucky shares this serious reminder] “There’s a man goin’ ’round takin’ names. An’ he decides who to free and who to blame. Everybody won’t be treated all the same. There’ll be a golden ladder reaching down, when the man comes around. “—Johnny Cash “Jesus would never judge…

Phoebe sent me this story: One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living…

Dr Chan faced a mystery. Some of his most valuable artifacts of jade and teak were taken in an apparent robbery. Police found footprints that looked like a young lad, but something was not right. So they set a hidden surveillance camera at other antique shops. They were surprised to…

This St. Patrick’s Day you’re likely to take part in that time honored tradition of wearing green. If not, you risk punishment-by-pinch, an especially popular custom on schoolyards and around office water coolers. Thus, wearing green on St. Patrick’s Day is not only widely practiced, it’s virtually required. It’s hard…