January 15, 2010 – 12:02 am
#10 ~ Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
#9 ~ Hand me that, uh, that uh, thingie.
#8 ~ Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys. Hey, this guy’s got two of ‘em!
#7 ~ Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
#6 ~ Could you stop that thing from beating? It’s throwing [...]
January 15, 2010 – 12:02 am
#10 ~ Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
#9 ~ Hand me that, uh, that uh, thingie.
#8 ~ Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys. Hey, this guy’s got two of ‘em!
#7 ~ Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
#6 ~ Could you stop that thing from beating? It’s throwing [...]
January 14, 2010 – 12:01 am
Are you tired of those sissy ‘friendship’ poems that always sound good but
never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises
that actually speak of True Friendship. You WON’T see cutesy little smiley
faces; just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
1. When you are sad, I will jump on the person [...]
January 13, 2010 – 12:39 am
There were two rich brothers who looked great on the outside, even attending
church regularly, but whose hearts were evil.
A new, more astute pastor arrived at the church. The congregation grew and a
fund raising campaign was started to add a new auditorium for the church.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The day before [...]
January 12, 2010 – 10:19 am
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country
preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased. “He was an
honest man. He was a loving husband. He was a kind father. He was generous
with all his friends. Blah, blah, blah.”
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to [...]
January 12, 2010 – 10:18 am
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess,
based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
–Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don’t want any more
kids.
–Lori, age 8
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? You got to find [...]
January 9, 2010 – 12:01 am
[Thanks for the forward to Duane. Very appropriate illustration.]
A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to leave the examination
room and said, ‘Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other
side.’
Very quietly, the doctor said, ‘I don’t know.’
‘You don’t know? You’re a Christian and don’t know what’s on [...]
January 8, 2010 – 9:20 am
[I joked with a friend that I ushered in the New Year at 10 pm and he
forwarded this description of a senior citizen]
I am a senior citizen…
- I’m the life of the party… even when it lasts ’till 8pm.
- I’m very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
- I’m usually interested in going home [...]
January 7, 2010 – 12:14 am
Once upon a time in a far-away country, a king and queen lived happily in
their kingdom. But one day, a giant pair of yellow fingers appeared in
front of their castle. Anyone attempting to leave the castle had to pass
through the yellow fingers which would snap shut and squash the person.
Day after day, [...]
January 6, 2010 – 12:42 am
[A friend sent me this blessing. A smile crossed my lips when reading it.]
May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.
May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $50 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your
lips.
May happiness slap you across the [...]
January 5, 2010 – 12:03 am
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his
father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and
proudly announced, ‘I’m running away from home!’
The father calmly decided to help the lad look at the matter logically.
‘What if you get hungry?’ he said.
‘Then I’ll [...]
January 4, 2010 – 12:04 am
[From Deanna]
1. Under which calendar is New Year’s Day Jan. 1?
A. Julian Calendar
B. Gregorian Calendar
C. Jewish Calendar
D. Chinese Calendar
E. All of the above
2. What calendar determines the date of the Chinese New Year?
A. Lunar
B. Solar
C. Chinese
D. Zen
3. Rosh Hashanah is the beginning of the new year for what religion?
A. Muslim
B. Christian
C. Buddhist
D. Jewish [...]
January 2, 2010 – 12:20 am
LOVE:
The Special Feeling that Makes You Feel All Warm and Wonderful.
RESPECT:
Treating Others as Well as You Would Like to be Treated.
APPRECIATION:
To Be Grateful for All the Good Things Life has to Offer.
HAPPINESS:
The Full Enjoyment of Each Moment. (A Smiling Face)
FORGIVENESS:
The Ability to Let Things Be Without Anger.
SHARING:
The Joy of Giving Without Thought of Receiving.
HONESTY:
The Quality [...]
