James Fennimore Cooper wrote about the life of Santa Claus. Naturally he
titled it The Deer Sleigher. On the inside cover appears a photograph of
Santa taken with his North Polaroid camera. In the pages of the book,
you’ll find out that Santa’s primary language is North Polish. You’ll learn
that Santa and Mrs. Claus live in an icicle built for two and that he loves
tending his three gardens and exulting, “Hoe, hoe, hoe!”

You’ll also discover that St. Nicholas is the main Claus. His wife is a
relative Claus. His children are dependent Clauses. Santa’s elves are
subordinate Clauses

On Christmas Eve, Santa eats a jolly roll, leaps into his sleigh, and urges
his toys to hop in the sack. Santa’s sleigh always comes out first because
it starts in the Pole position. It also gets terrific mileage because it has
long-distance runners on each side.

Kris Kringle especially loves all his reindeer because every buck is deer to
him.
When traveling in the sleigh in inclement weather, Santa gets icicles in his
beard and calls them chin chillas. He sometimes removes all the bells from
his sleigh and travels silently through the night. One day he hopes to win a
No Bell prize.

Santa is so Santa-mental that he sometimes spends all his money on the toys
that he brings to children everywhere. At those times, he’s called St.
Nickeless. But when flying to Cape Canaveral he’s a palindrome (A SANTA AT
NASA)

Santa loves sliding down chimneys because it soots him. But he actually has
a fear of getting stuck. That fear is called Santa Claustrophobia. Since
Santa has to go up and down a wide variety of chimneys on Christmas, we
recommend getting a yearly flue shot.

And yes, I’ve been reading too much Richard Lederer.

 ~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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When the wife and I were dining last month in Moscow, we enjoyed a meal with
former Communist Party leader Rudolph Petrovich. He came into the
restaurant from the cold drizzle, complaining about the nasty weather.

My wife said it was sleeting, but he argued that it was just a cold rain.
After bantering back and forth, I told my wife to drop it, convincing her by
saying, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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A famous chef developed a new Eggs Benedict dish to be served in a 50′s
style eatery. It just didn’t look good on the regular serving plates and he
wanted something retro and classy.

He spotted some shiny hubcaps on the wall and it gave him the idea for a
unique way to serve up his dish. After all, “there’s no plates like chrome
for the hollandaise.”

~~ANSWERS to “What’s Up, Doc?” Quiz

1. Robert Louis Stevenson wrote about the dual personality of Dr. HENRY
JEKYLL (and Mr. Hyde).

2. Dr. SAMUEL MUDD set the broken leg of John Wilkes Booth and ended up
spending four years in a Gulf of Mexico prison.

3. Noah Wylie portrayed the young caring Dr JOHN CARTER who moved from
Chicago’s ER to the heart of Africa.

4. In Dodge City, Kansas, old Doc GALEN ADAMS fixed up Kitty and Matt
Dillon.

5. Mary Shelly wrote of a Dr VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN (who wasn’t even a
doctor!) and his ‘monster’ made from spare body parts.

6. In 1901-1906 Dr. ALOIS ALZHEIMER worked with a patient suffering memory
loss, difficulty with speech and comprehension. After her death, he
autopsied the brain to note plaque deposits, dead areas, tangled nerves, and
found the 7th leading cause of death that now bears his name.

7. A thoracic surgeon in the Korean War, Dr RICHARD HORNBERGER, later wrote
of his life there, basing its main character Hawkeye Pierce on himself.

8. Dr. MICHAEL CRICHTON became an author of medical fiction (like “Andromeda
Strain”) and created popular shows like “E.R.”

9. Fortunately for children of the 1950′s when the scourge of polio was at
its height, Dr JONAS SALK transferred from law school to become a medical
doctor.

10. A medical doctor in the ambulance corps during World War I, Dr SOMERSET
MAUGHAM later gained fame for writing “Of Human Bondage”.

11. Father-figure who always knew best, Dr MARCUS WELBY ministered to
patients in his suburban home, assisted by handsome Dr Kiley.

12. Dr LEONARD “BONES” McCOY served the crew of the 23rd Century spaceship
in Star Trek.

13. Handsome young heartthrob Dr JAMES KILDARE dealt with patients at Blair
General Hospital for five years in primetime.

14. Maintaining his London medical practice, Dr. ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE wrote a
number of detective adventures there were “elementary, my dear Watson”.

15. Dark and brooding Dr BEN CASEY performed surgery at County General
mentored by Dr Zorba.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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An international chess tournament was held at a large hotel in New York
City. Everyone watched games with great intensity and argued into the wee
hours over moves and counter moves.

But the hotel manager finally had enough when one group nailed up banners
all over the lobby about how great their favorite player was. He asked then
to leave, saying that he hated “chess nuts boasting in an open foyer”.

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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