My wife Teresa was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the
festivities. After she woke up, she confided to me, “I just dreamed that you
gave me a diamond necklace and earrings for a New Year’s present. What do
you think it all means?”

“Aha, you’ll know at midnight tonight,” I answered, with a wink and a smile.

She glowed at me, her whole countenance lighting up the room!

Now, it’s not midnight yet but I’m letting all the Grif.Net readers in on my
surprise. I have bought Teresa a special gift – a book entitled “The
Meaning of Dreams”.

Don’t you think she’ll love it??

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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‘Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin’ even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said “U.S. POSTMAN.”

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

“Now Dillard’s, now Targets’, now Penney’s and Sears
Here’s Visa, Master Card, Discover – they’re all here.
To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!”

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
“ENJOY WHAT YOU GOT – YOU’LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!”

 ~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
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One Christmas, a parent decreed that she was no longer going to remind her
children of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother
never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given.

The next year things were different, however.

“The children came over in person to thank me,” the grandparent told a
friend triumphantly.

“How wonderful!” the friend exclaimed. “What do you think caused the change
in behavior?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” the grandmother replied. “This year I didn’t sign the
checks.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
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“Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas,” little Joshie said to
his Uncle Dave the first time he saw him after the holidays. “It’s the best
present I ever got.”

“That’s great,” said his uncle. “Do you know how to play it?”

“Oh, I don’t play it,” the little fellow replied. “My mom gives me a dollar
a day not to play it during the day, and my dad gives me five dollars a week
not to play it at night.”

(Happy Birthday to my baby Joshie-poo today. Sending YOUR kids harmonicas .
. )

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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We send out fun emails and fill up your in-boxes throughout the year with
smiles and laughs (or groans). Each weekend the topic is more pointed. And
on Christmas Day, what would you expect? More laughs?

‘TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY . . . but not everyone is jolly this time of the
year.

The holiday season, with its busy schedule of activities, can become
emotionally demanding and stressful. Some people during this season of the
year even suffer from bouts of discouragement and depression. Whether the
‘holiday blues’ are a problem for you or not, I wonder if you would take a
moment to consider God’s message of “good tidings of great joy which shall
be to all people.”

When you and I were born, we came into this world with nothing, except for
the natural abilities, tendencies, and character traits that God gave us
through our parents. But spiritually speaking, you and I came into this
world (like all the rest of mankind) with an infinite hole in our souls – a
spiritual hole that craves to be filled. Each of us has attempted to fill
this void with the things we see around us, and some of us have discovered
the absolute futility of such an effort.

During the holiday season, many people try to escape the harsh reality of
their own spiritual emptiness through an assortment of ‘artificial fillers’.
So they ‘deck the halls with boughs of holly’ and ‘don their gay apparel’
and try to create for themselves illusions of happiness. But these illusions
can never satisfy the emptiness of our souls. True joy and meaning in life
cannot be found at a shopping mall, at a Christmas party, or under the
mistletoe. The so-called ‘holiday spirit’ will never compensate for
spiritual bankruptcy!

Seven hundred years before the birth of Jesus Christ, the prophet Isaiah
foretold His coming with these words; “For unto us a Child is born, unto us
a Son is given… and His name shall be called the wonderful Counselor, the
mighty God, the everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.”

The supernatural, virgin birth of the Christ child changed the course of
human history like no other event. Jesus Christ was holy God in human flesh.
Amazing indeed, was the mystery of the birth of Jesus Christ!

Perhaps you are wondering how it is possible for God to become a man. True
faith believes the biblical testimony that nothing is too hard for God, and
that with God all things are possible God’s works and ways are far greater
than our loftiest dreams and imaginations. Most amazing of all is the reason
why God became a man. The Bible teaches that Christ became a man so that He
might suffer the sorrows, pains, and the penalty of death that our sins
deserved.

It is important for you to know that Jesus Christ, as the “Wonderful
Counselor,” is intimately familiar with your past and present circumstances.
He knows what you have gone through, and what you are going through now. He
knows your struggles, your heartaches, your needs… and He knows your
emptiness. The Lord Jesus Christ is also “the mighty God,” who has all
authority and power to save “His people from their sins.” The biblical
truth, is that there is no problem too difficult for the Savior to handle,
and no sins too numerous or so horrible that He cannot forgive.

Real fulfillment in life cannot be found in either the pursuit of pleasure
or the possession of things. Satisfaction in this life can only be
experienced by those who have come to God with their sins and their
emptiness, and by faith, have received Jesus Christ as their Savior. This is
the reason that Jesus lived, died and rose from the dead, that He might save
us from our own ways and rule as “the Prince of Peace” in our hearts. His
sufferings and death on the cross nearly two thousand years ago, is the only
means by which sinners like you and I can ever find true acceptance with
God.

There may not be, ‘Joy to the World’ or ‘Peace on Earth’ today, but there is
fullness of joy and real peace in the hearts of all who turn from their sins
unto the Savior. Heaven and earth cannot contain the infinite Creator, yet
He desires to fill the empty human soul.

My dear friend, do you long to know the fullness of God? Then turn from sin
in repentance, put your faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ and He will save and
satisfy your soul. Then you too will know the fullness and the joy of being
right with God!

1 John 1:4 … “And these things we write to you that your joy may be full.”

 ~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
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A pastor asked the class, “Why was Jesus born in Bethlehem?”

A young child raised his hand and replied, “Because his mother was there.”
~~

Seriously, now . . . remember the story?

In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, the angel Gabriel was sent from
God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man
whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin’s name was
Mary. And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is
with you!”

But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort
of greeting this might be.

And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor
with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you
shall call his name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of
the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father
David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom
there will be no end.”

And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”

And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the
power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born
will be called holy— the Son of God. And behold, your relative Elizabeth in
her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her
who was called barren. For nothing will be impossible with God.”

And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me
according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world
should be registered. And all went to be registered, each to his own town.

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the town of Nazareth, to Judea,
to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house
and lineage of David, to be registered with Mary, his betrothed, who was
with child. And while they were there, the time came for her to give birth.
And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths
and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.

And in that area there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over
their flock at night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the
glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. And the
angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great
joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the
city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for
you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a
manger.”

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host
praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace
among those with whom he is pleased!”

When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one
another, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened,
which the Lord has made known to us.” And they went with haste and found
Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. And when they saw it, they
made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. And all
who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured up
all these things, pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds returned,
glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been
told them.

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a user was using his laptop or mouse;
The programs were ‘hung’ from the bugs in their code,
In hopes that a guru would soon cure their woes;

The data were nestled all snug in their beds,
While versions of software danced in their heads;
The boss dimmed the lights as I locked up my desk,
A couple days off and a well-deserved rest;

Then all of a sudden there came such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
Away to the processor I flew like a flash,
What a terrible sound – like a massive hard crash;

The lights they were blinking and beaming aglow,
The hardcopy printout said “Let service know!”
When what to my wandering eyes should appear,
On a silicon wafer … a field engineer;

A little device driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Chip!
More rapid than Macro, his cursor insane,
He whistled and shouted like a video game.

Now, Apple! Now, Vista!, Now, Fortran and Cobol!
On Mac, on Linox, on Unix and Snobol!
To the top of the flat screen, the bottom of core!
Run diagnostics and see what they store!

As memory leaves when electricity flies,
The ‘Rep’ cracked a smile and loosened his tie;
He was chubby and plump, said the place was a wreck,
And I laughed when I saw him (in spite of high tech).

A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He was dressed from his head to his feet in a suit,
His briefcase was heavy with tools to re-boot.

With bundles of bits bulging out of his slacks,
He looked like a pro ’bout to fix a blown pack.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Reseated mother boards, then turned with a smirk;

Hit return with his finger and said “Here it goes,”
And giving a nod, into the CRT he dove.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere leaving the site,
“Save your data, and all will be right!”

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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[This is a repeat from a few years back - many liked it, although some
thought I was picking on them or their friends personally. Who knew?]

Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angles Sing About Me

Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?

Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores
and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire
Hydrants and……

Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Get me

Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Queens Disoriented Are

Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas

Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna
Pout, Maybe I’ll tell You Why

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder —Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells

Agoraphobia – I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day, but Wouldn’t Leave My
House.

Senile Dementia – Walking in a Winter Wonderland – Miles from My House in My
Slippers and Robe

Gender Oppositional Disorder – I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus

Social Anxiety Disorder – Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, While I
Sit Here and Hyperventilate

Attention Deficit Disorder – We Wish You . . . Hey Look!!! It’s Snowing!!!

 ~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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(Sung to the tune “Deck The Halls”)

Deck the malls this Christmas season,
fa la la la la, la la la la
Blow your cash for no good reason,
fa la la la la, la la la la
Push your charge card to it’s limit
fa la la, la la la, la la la
Your check book now has nothing in it.
fa la la la la, la la la la.

~~
(Sung to the tune “Jingle Bells”)

Dashing through the snow in my rusty Chevrolet.
Down the road I go, sliding all the way.
I need new piston rings. I need some new snow tires.
My car is held together by a piece of chicken wire!

Chorus:
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater’s broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio’s okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

Bouncing through the snow in a big, blue cloud of smoke.
People laugh as I drive by; I wonder what’s the joke!
I have to get to Wal-Mart to pick up my layaway,
Cause Santa will be comin’ soon in his big, old, rusty sleigh!

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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There is less than a week now until Christmas (for gift buying). The Bible
uses two different Greek words translated “gift”. Both illustrate different
truths. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh
down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow
of turning.” James 1:17

1. GOOD GIFT: In the original language, this refers to the ACT of giving.
Only that which is good issues from God (Psalm 19:1; Acts 14:17; I Timothy
4:4; 6:17). Not only did He create the heavens and the earth for us, but in
so doing revealed Himself to us. He is the giver of all that is good and He
never gives us anything that is not for our good. It matters not whether
the gift is large or small. If it comes from God, it will always be good.

2. PERFECT GIFT: In the original language, this emphasizes the GIFT itself.
God gives to us so many incredible gifts out of His grace. Our salvation is
a gift from God.

“The gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans
6:23).
“He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall
He not with Him also freely give us all things” (Romans 8:32).
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that
whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life”
(John 3:16).
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is
the gift of God” (Ephesians 2:8-9).
“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give
unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man
pluck them out of my hand” (John 10:27-28).

What are the specifications in order for a gift to be good and perfect?
*It must be free and not earned: No strings attached.
*It should meet a need.
*It should be given out of love.
*There should be the sense that the gift includes the giver himself.

In consideration of the requirements, God has given to us the most perfect
gift ever given: grace to our soul and eternal life in heaven!

*Is it free and not earned? YES (John 1:12; Acts 16:31; Romans 10:13).
*Does it meet my most basic need – eternal life? YES (Romans 6:23).
*Was it given out of love? YES (John 3:16).
*Does this gift include the giver himself? YES God definitely meets this
fourth requirement and He gave of Himself when we were His enemies (Romans
5:8).

There is one more specification based on God’s gift to us that is not
actually necessary when we give Christmas gifts to one another. It should
be EXPENSIVE! The value of God’s gift has never been matched in the history
of the universe. That gift was purchased with the blood of Jesus Christ,
God’s Son and is priceless!

When you receive gifts from under the tree this Christmas, consider the
giver of the gifts as more important than the gifts themselves. Our
response must be one of gratitude. During the festivities of Christmas day,
get alone with God and express your gratitude for His unmerited and
unlimited favor (gifts) in your life. Perhaps the psalmist provides for us
the necessary response – “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His
benefits” (Psalm 103:2).

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
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SANTA CLAUS IS A WOMAN. I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I
believe he’s a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm,
fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could
possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting
gifts until Christmas Eve. It’s as if they are all frozen in some kind of
Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they – with amazing
calm – call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree. Once
at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket
wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would
send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it’s an
enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On
this count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas
morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the
box. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all,
there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and
strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate
claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen’s rack would already be
on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer,
he’d still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost
up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for
directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in
the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint
bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in
every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to
straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man:
- Men can’t pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened…having to be seen with
all those elves.
- Men don’t answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as
anything remotely resembling a “bowlful of jelly.”
- Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to
pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men………
- Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite
guy.
- Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
- Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these
individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.

But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will,
peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole’s version of “The Christmas Song,”
it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is. I just wish she’d
quit dressing like a guy!

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
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As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer to be very
quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve so no one will know they
are there. One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus landed on a rooftop and suddenly
he heard a very loud, “Snort sniff honk honk snort!” coming from one of his
reindeer. Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn’t know which one
it was.

It happened again, only louder this time, “Snort sniff honk honk snort!”

Dogs in the neighborhood began to bark. “Shhh!” Santa hissed. “Please be
quiet!”

He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh when he heard it
again, only a lot louder this time, “SNORT SNIFF HONK HONK SNORT!”

Lights came on all over the neighborhood, and some people even stuck their
heads out of their windows. Santa was horrified. Jumping back into the
sleigh, he drove quickly back to the North Pole. He lined up all the
reindeer and announced, “We are not going to deliver another present until
the reindeer that is making funny noises with his nose steps forward and
apologizes!”

Donner stepped forward and admitted he had both allergies and caught a cold
and was the one making the noises.

Before continuing on that Christmas Eve, Santa ‘read off the rude-nosed
reindeer’.

 ~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer to be very
quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve so no one will know they
are there. One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus landed on a rooftop and suddenly
he heard a very loud, “Snort sniff honk honk snort!” coming from one of his
reindeer. Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn’t know which one
it was.

It happened again, only louder this time, “Snort sniff honk honk snort!”

Dogs in the neighborhood began to bark. “Shhh!” Santa hissed. “Please be
quiet!”

He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh when he heard it
again, only a lot louder this time, “SNORT SNIFF HONK HONK SNORT!”

Lights came on all over the neighborhood, and some people even stuck their
heads out of their windows. Santa was horrified. Jumping back into the
sleigh, he drove quickly back to the North Pole. He lined up all the
reindeer and announced, “We are not going to deliver another present until
the reindeer that is making funny noises with his nose steps forward and
apologizes!”

Donner stepped forward and admitted he had both allergies and caught a cold
and was the one making the noises.

Before continuing on that Christmas Eve, Santa ‘read off the rude-nosed
reindeer’.

 ~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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