11/14/09 Weekend Grif.Net – Touching Lives

[Martin Fennelly wrote this for the Tampa Tribune, Nov 11, 2009 and it
brought tears to my eyes]

Every once in a while a teacher invites me to speak to their high school
class or college journalism course. You know, just talk about writing.

When it’s time for questions, the students ask about events like Super Bowls
or the World Series, or what’s it like to talk to the Bucs or Michael
Jordan. What a thrill it must be.

Super Bowls and Michael Jordan hardly ever come up.

Mallory always does.

I always tell school kids about Mallory. The day I was lucky enough to meet
her and write about her, well, it was about my favorite day in journalism.

Mallory Code passed away Monday night. She was only 25, but in those 25
years, she taught everyone who ever met her about life, love and courage.

It was a friend and former co-worker, Mick Elliott, who told me about
Mallory. It was 2001. Mick was the Tribune’s golf writer, and he told me I
should really write about this Mallory Code, a terrific junior golfer, one
of the best in the country, a 16-year-old prodigy from a family of golf
prodigies, who had been handed a death sentence at birth – cystic fibrosis –
and had never ever batted an eye.

“I think you’ll like her,” Mick said.

We spent part of an afternoon together at a local golf club, Mal and her
older sister Whitney, the inseparable ones, Mal and Whit.

Mallory was wearing a ratty golf cap, the same one she’d been wearing for
three years. She confided that her “ears were too high” for most caps, so
when she found this one, and it fit just right, she just kept on wearing it.

Whitney just smiled.

That was her sister.

That was Mal.

Mallory had cystic fibrosis, and she had diabetes, and she had asthma, and
she was always in and out of hospitals and emergency rooms.

She played through.

And kept smiling.

She was featured on HBO’s “Real Sports” and the “Today” show. She spoke
before thousands, raising awareness about cystic fibrosis, raising funds and
lifting hearts, because her spirit wouldn’t let her do anything less.

There was no doom, no gloom.

Mallory Code was the sun on your face.

Mal and Whit helped lead Chamberlain High School to titles. Their brother
Jordan was playing golf at the University of Florida. Whitney would, too.
Mallory followed them and would earn a degree in Gainesville. But Brian and
Karen Code’s youngest child taught everyone more than they ever taught her.

She taught me what I try to teach young writers – that the real heroes
aren’t always the ones at the top of the Sports pages.

Mallory Code was a true superstar.

“My life is perfect in most every way,” she told me eight years ago. “I’ve
got this awesome family, awesome friends and an awesome relationship with
the Lord Jesus. I’ve got golf, dance, everything. I don’t want to be the
little sick girl out there.”

She said she got scared sometimes, but she never counted days.

Mallory just lived them.

I didn’t stay in touch after I wrote about her, and I’ll always regret that.
But Mick would often tell me whether Mallory was up or down.

I think about Mallory a lot in my job. I think about her when I hear a
ballplayer is complaining about his contract or some fan is screaming about
his team getting a raw deal.

I think about the deal Mallory got, about how she made the most of it.
Whenever I see a young boy or girl fighting something awful, I think about
how many children must have met Mallory Code and felt Mallory’s light, how
many souls she touched. One afternoon with her was enough to last a
lifetime.

What’s it like to talk to Michael Jordan?

Who cares?

Once I got to talk to Mallory

 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/13/09 Grif.Net – Traffic Ticket

Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a
truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for
reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the
road. The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to
contain large upholstery tacks.

“I’m sorry sir,” the first trooper told the driver, “but I am still going to
have to write you a ticket.”

Amazed, the driver asked for what.

The trooper replied, “Tacks evasion.”

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/12/09 Grif.Net – Bad Habit

There was this kindergartner who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His
mother finally told him that if he didn’t stop sucking his thumb, he’d get
fat.

A few days later, his mother had some friends over for Calli Tea. The boy
pointed to an obviously pregnant woman and said, “Ah, ha! I bet I know what
you’ve been doing!”

 ~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/11/09 Grif.Net – Why Was She Upset with ME??

A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The bus driver said: “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle
seat near the rear of the bus.

I was seated next to her, and being a minister, I sensed that she was
agitated. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed.

I sympathized and said: “Why, he’s a public servant and shouldn’t say things
to insult passengers.”

“You’re right,” she said. “I think I’ll go back up there and give him a
piece of my mind.”

“That’s a good idea,” I agreed quickly. “Here, let me hold your monkey.”

 ~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/10/09 Grif.Net – Look in the Eyes

A policeman pulled a man over for speeding and asked him to get out of the
car. After looking the man over he said, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice
your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”

The man grew really indignant and said, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice
your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/09/09 Grif.Net – Kissimmee

A man and his wife were driving their recreational vehicle across the
country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimmee. They noted the strange
spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it – KISS-a-me; kis-A-me;
kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.

Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At
the counter, the man said to the waitress:

“My wife and I can’t seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this
place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can
understand.”

The waitress looked at him and said: “Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng.”

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/07/09 Weekend Grif.Net – The Music Stopped

For those who are not aware: At all military base theaters, the National
Anthem is played before the movie begins. This is written from a Chaplain in
Iraq.

I recently attended a showing of ‘Superman 3′ here at LSA Anaconda. We have
a large auditorium we use for movies, as well as memorial services and other
large gatherings. As is the custom at all military bases, we stood to
attention when the National Anthem began before the main feature. All was
going well until three- quarters of the way through the National Anthem, the
music stopped.

Now, what would happen if this occurred with 1,000 18-22 year-olds back in
the States? I imagine there would be hoots, catcalls, laughter, a few rude
comments, and everyone would sit down and yell for the movie to begin. Of
course, that is, if they had stood for the National Anthem in the first
place.

Here in Iraq, 1,000 Soldiers continued to stand at attention, eyes fixed
forward. The music started again and the Soldiers continued to quietly stand
at attention. But again, at the same point, the music stopped. What would
you expect 1000 Soldiers standing at attention to do? Frankly, I expected
some laughter, and everyone would eventually sit down and wait for the movie
to start.

But No! You could have heard a pin drop, while every Soldier continued to
stand at attention. Suddenly, there was a lone voice from the front of the
auditorium, then a dozen voices, and soon the room was filled with the
voices of a thousand soldiers, finishing where the recording left off:

“And the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through
the night that our flag was still there. Oh, say does that Star Spangled
Banner yet wave, o’er the land of the free, and the home of the brave.”

It was the most inspiring moment I have had in Iraq and I wanted you to know
what kind of Soldiers are serving you. Remember them as they fight for us! 

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/06/09 Grif.Net – Annual Physical Exam

From an email by a friend. She writes:

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain
basics.

“How much do you weigh?” she asked. I said, “130.”

The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 185.

The nurse asked, “Your height?” I answered, “5 feet 7 inches.”

The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5 feet 2 inches.

She then took my blood pressure and told me that it’s very high.

“Of course it’s high!” I screamed.” When I came in here I was tall and
slender! Now I’m short and fat!”

Stupid nurse put me on Prozac.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/05/09 Grif.Net – Wurst Word Play I’ve Seen Lately

There was once a very influential farmer in a remote part of China, who had
a problem. His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. He sought the
counsel of the two wisest men in town – Hing, who was scientist, and Ming,
who was a sorcerer.

Hing, who has had many advanced course hours in poultry science, consulted
the classic text in poultry disease, “Everything You Always Wanted to Know
About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask.” In the book Hing found
a reference to the report of a study showing that feeding the chickens with
an infusion of gum tree leaves is often a remedy for chickens losing their
feathers.

Meanwhile Ming read obscure writings of ancient wise men, he meditated, and
he even examined the entrails of a pig. Getting no inspiration he used his
old standby, reading tea leaves. In a spark of discovery, it comes to him
that an infusion of gum tree leaves is the cure.

So the two wise men report back to the influential Chinese farmer. Ming
says, “As gum sticks to tables and chairs, so shall an infusion of gum tree
leaves make feathers stick to chickens.” Hing agrees, saying “Studies show
that infusions of gum tree leaves alleviate feather loss in chickens.”

The influential Chinese farmer is ecstatic, for the two wisest men in town
are of a single mind. He quickly follows their recommendation.

It does not work. His chickens lost feathers and died.

Moral of the Story: “All of Hing’s courses and all of Ming’s ken couldn’t
get gum tea to feather a hen.”

(I warned you it was bad)
 
~~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/04/09 Grif.Net – Smuggler

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, a man was stopped by a
guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the
bags?” asked the guard.

“Sand,” said the cyclist.

“Get them off – we’ll take a look,” said the guard.

The cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained
nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued
across the border.

Next week, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two
bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for
six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. “Say
friend, you sure had us crazy”, said the guard. “We knew you were smuggling
something across the border. I won’t say a word – but what is it you were
smuggling?”

His one-word answer: “Bicycles!”

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/03/09 Grif.Net – Peddler in the Village

Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village
market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large
lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a modern-day scrooge.

One day during the winter the lake frozen over. The peddler realized that he
could cut off two miles from his trip if he crossed over the lake. He was
spotted halfway across the lake by the tycoon. Scrooge came racing out of
his mansion and screamed at the peddler, “Stop! Stop! I won’t let anyone
pull the wool over my ice!”

~~~
 Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

11/02/09 Grif.Net – No Olympics in Chicago

I was out of the country when all this hoopla happened, and found out the
Chicago did not get the Olympic bid in spite of both the President and First
Lady making personal appeals. “To The Point News” had this funny bit of a
“top ten list”

10. Dead people can’t vote at IOC meetings

9. Obama was distracted for 5 minutes meeting with his generals.

8. Who cares if Obama couldn’t talk the IOC into Chicago? He’ll be able
to talk Iran out of nukes.

7. The impediment is Israel still building settlements.

6. Obviously no president would have been able to accomplish it.

5. We’ve been quite clear and said all along that we didn’t want the
Olympics.

4. This isn’t about the number of Olympics “lost” – it’s about the number
of Olympics “saved” or “created”.

3. Clearly not enough wise Latina judges on the committee.

2. Because the IOC is racist.

1. It’s George Bush’s fault.

~~
 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”