The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has a chronic illness,
requiring medication. The zoo people couldn’t get Calle to take her dose
orally, so a California pharmacologist developed a suppository.

The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good
folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame. Administering the DAILY
medication takes five professional zoo workers, including a vet and two with
Master’s Degrees to distract Calle with treats, calm her, and one with a
full-arm glove to . . . well, you get the picture.

Why am I telling students this?

Just think – FIVE people went to college and still have a life worse than
yours! Now stop complaining and get your work in on time and MAYBE you will
have a better life than you have now!

~~
ANSWERS to our Tea Trivia:

FALSE 1. In the USA the only state to raise tea commercially is Georgia. (It
is not in Georgia, but Charleston, South Carolina)

TRUE 2. 85% of all tea consumed in the USA is served iced.

FALSE 3. Crates of British tea were dumped into Boston Harbor in 1776 to
start the American Revolution. (1773, 3 years prior to the Declaration of
Independence)

TRUE 4. Tea was not introduced to England until 1650 and not a popular drink
until the reign of Charles II.

FALSE 5. Iced tea was first offered in the sweltering heat of the 1904 St
Louis World Fair. (Record of it served iced as early as 1810 and throughout
the Century)

TRUE 6. Tea is healthy, low in caffeine, no calorie, preservatives, or
additives and rich in antioxidants.

FALSE 7. The oldest cultivated tea tree in Japan is nearly 3200 years old.
(True of China; but tea was not cultivated in Japan until 1830)

TRUE 8. After the winter rest the first harvest of tea leaves is called
“First Flush”.

FALSE 9. Tea is the 3rd most popular beverage in the world. (It is second
only to water)

TRUE 10. There are only 3 basic teas (black, green, oolong) and all come
from the same plant. (Note: all 3000 varieties of tea come from one of
these three)

~~
 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Here are some simple T/F questions about Tea.

Example: Tea is grown on bushes, not on actual trees.
FALSE (Tea is a tropical evergreen tree, with new tips the only part used)

T/F 1. In the USA the only state to raise tea commercially is Georgia.

T/F 2. 85% of all tea consumed in the USA is served iced.

T/F 3. Crates of British tea were dumped into Boston Harbor in 1776 to start
the American Revolution.

T/F 4. Tea was not introduced to England until 1650 and not a popular drink
until the reign of Charles II.

T/F 5. Iced tea was first offered in the sweltering heat of the 1904 St
Louis World Fair

T/F 6. Tea is healthy, low in caffeine, no calories, preservatives, or
additives and rich in antioxidants.

T/F 7. The oldest cultivated tea tree in Japan is nearly 3200 years old.

T/F 8. After the winter rest the first harvest of tea leaves is called
“First Flush”.

T/F 9. Tea is the 3rd most popular beverage in the world.

T/F 10. There are only 3 basic teas (black, green, oolong) and all come from
the same plant.

Answers in a few days when heading to the USA

~~
 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Always laboring fervently for you in prayers, that you may stand perfect and
complete in all the will of God. —Col. 4:12

Just before John Ashcroft was being sworn in as a US senator, he met with
family and friends for prayer. As they gathered around him, he saw his dad
trying to get up from the couch where he sat. Since his father was in frail
health, Ashcroft told him ”That’s okay, Dad. You don’t have to stand up to
pray for me.”

His father replied: ”I’m not struggling to stand up. I’m struggling to
kneel.”

His father’s effort reminds me of the exertion it sometimes takes to
intercede for a fellow believer. In Colossians, Paul refers to Epaphras as a
bondservant who is always laboring fervently for you in prayers, that you
may stand perfect and complete in all the will of God” (Col. 4:12).
“Laboring fervently is the translation of a Greek word from which we get our
word agony. It was used of wrestlers who in the Greek gymnastic games
strained to overcome an opponent.

Epaphras interceded for other believers to become mature in their walk with
the Savior. Asking God to overcome obstacles to spiritual growth in the
lives of others requires our concentration and discipline. Are we willing to
labor fervently in prayer to ask God to meet the needs of our loved ones?

[copied - note: remember we have limited internet access so grif.net will
continue to be sporadic for another week or so]

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Scientists at NASA have developed a gun, whose purpose it is to launch dead
chickens. It is used to shoot a dead chicken at the windshields of airline
jets, military jets and the space shuttle, at the vehicle’s maximum
travelling velocity. The idea being, that it will simulate the frequent
incidents of collisions with airborne fowl, and therefore determine if the
windshields are strong enough.

British engineers, upon hearing of the gun, were eager to test the gun out
on the windshield of their new high speed trains. However, upon the firing
of the gun, the engineers watched in shock as the chicken shattered the
windshield, smashed through the control console, snapped the engineer’s
backrest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified, the engineers sent NASA the results of the experiment, along with
the designs of the windshield, and asked the NASA scientists for any
suggestions. The NASA scientists sent back a one sentence response:

“Thaw the chicken.”

 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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I am PROUD to be a “fundamentalist” born-again Baptist minister for nearly
40 years. Yet I also have to laugh (rather than cry) when poking fun at some
who claim this title and who take themselves too seriously! Laugh AT me or
WITH me

You might be giving “fundamentalists” a bad name if . . .

* You pronounce “sin” with two syllables.
* You enjoy talking to people in King James English.
* You believe Moses should have shaved.
* You have a portrait of Sodom and Gomorrah, the day after they were nuked.
* You pronounce it “Bab-diss.”
* You thought Back to the Future was a movie about Biblical Prophecy.
* You know that unscrambling “Santa” is “Satan.”
* You exchange any currency that has three 6′s in a row.
* You think credit cards are a tool of the devil to identify you to the
Anti-Christ.
* You think that bar codes are demonic.
* You think the band K.I.S.S. means Knights in Satan’s Service.
* You know the writing on the Statue of Liberty’s tablet was put there by a
Mason, in an Illuminati conspiracy.
* You have a chart of the hidden symbols of the dollar bill.
* You think Pat Robertson was okay till he ran for president.
* You think the guy with the long hair and John 3:16 sign at football games
is liberal.
* You think Jerry Falwell was a liberal.
* You think Jesus is liberal.
* You call Israel “the Holy Land.”
* You say Amen more than once an hour.
* You pray so long your food gets cold.
* You have a fish on the back of your car, your boat, your bicycle and
your briefcase… you’d get a fish tattoo, but they’re tools of the devil.
* You have your name stamped on your 10+ Bibles.
* You know four Greek words for love and their different usages.
* You name your children after the apostles.
* You became an Amway dealer to evangelize in disguise.
* You like being an Amway dealer.

 ~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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[The grif.net will be more intermittent for a few days but don't worry,
WE'LL BE BACK (much to your regrets!)]

A musician who joined the cruise ship orchestra was having difficulty
keeping time with the rest of the band.

Finally, the captain said, “Either you learn to keep time or I’ll throw you
overboard. . . . It’s up to you, sync or swim.”

~~

A panhandler was caught trying to sneak aboard a giant liner yesterday
heading for warmer climates.

He was caught by the Purser who threw him off the ship telling him, “Beggars
can’t be cruisers.”

[More puns to come. As the pirate said, Time to carpe diem" (Seas the Day)]

 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Albert Einstein was at a party in Boston and he was surrounded by a small
crowd of admirers. He introduces himself to the first member of the group,
and asks, “What is your IQ?”

The man answers, “191.”

“Wonderful!” says Einstein. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory
and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!”

Albert then turns to a woman and asks, “What’s your IQ?”

She responds, “123.”

“Ah!” says Albert. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We, too,
have much to discuss!”

Einstein then notices a third member of the group proudly and again inquires
about the man’s IQ. This time the answer is “62.”

The great physicist ponders for a moment, then brightens and says, “GO RED
SOX!”

(I’m enjoying the day doing historical research out at Lexington and
Concord, so just HAD to “dig” a little at the Bahsontians)

ANSWERS to the “Wall” Quiz

1 Waste-collecting Pixar robot WALL-E
2 South Dakota oasis of free ice-water WALL DRUG
3 13th time around they fell WALLS OF JERICHO
4 Home of Bulls and Bears of free enterprise WALL STREET
5 Hurricane-tamer on Galveston Bay SEA WALL
6 5000 miles long, built over 2 millennia and visible from space GREAT WALL
OF CHINA
7 Moniker of Gen. Thomas J Jackson, CSA STONEWALL
8 All that remains of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem (tricky; looking for
REAL name) WESTERN WALL (not “wailing wall”)
9 Checkpoint Charlie allowed passage from East to West BERLIN WALL
10 246 ft black granite monument on the Washington Mall VIETNAM MEMORIAL
WALL
11 Ancient marker of the border of Scotland and England HADRIAN’S WALL
12 Hitler’s defense of Western Europe from possible Allied invasion ATLANTIC
WALL
13 Wyoming hideout of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid HOLE-IN-THE-WALL
14 Royal Caribbean’s exercise area on the stern of cruise ships CLIMBING
WALL (or ROCK WALL)
15 Good fences make good neighbors MENDING WALL, 1917 Poem by Robert Frost

~~
 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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There once was a woman who woke up one morning,
Looked in the mirror,
And noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

‘Well,’ she said, ‘I think I’ll braid my hair today.’
So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up,
Looked in the mirror
And saw that she had only two hairs on her head.

‘H-M-M,’ she said, ‘I think I’ll part my hair down the middle today.’
So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up,
Looked in the mirror and noticed
That she had only one hair on her head.

‘Well,’ she said, ‘today I’m going to wear my hair in a pony tail.’
So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up,
Looked in the mirror and noticed
That there wasn’t a single hair on her head.

‘YAY!’ she exclaimed. ‘I don’t have to fix my hair today!’

Attitude is everything.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of
battle. Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass.
It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

 ~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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This is from a newsgroup that specializes in puns and word plays. Somebody
wrote something about a lion, but he misspelled ‘lion’ as ‘loin’. In any
other setting, people would just recognize the typo (or miss it entirely)
and carry on. In this group you can bet somebody will make something out of
it. Below are (highly edited) excerpts of some of the responses:

First potshot: I knew tigers were dangerous, but that bit about a large
hungry loin taking down a deer was especially frightening.

So somebody else added: You ought to see what an entire porterhouse can do
to an elk.

And another: That depends on whether it is a flank attack or not.

Yet another: I wouldn’t steak my life on it.

And more: Gnaw…me neither.

This thread is showing an annoying tendon-cy to go off topic.

I get it! All these comments are in the same vein!

Did we hit a tender spot there?

No, he is just ribbing you.

Please, spare me!

There is more here than meats the eye.

Do you have a bone to pick with this thread?

WELL DONE (which is RARE for this MEDIUM)

. . . and so it continues.

~~ 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net
www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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QUIZ TIME! The correct answer will contain the word “Wall”. Your task is
to take the vague clue and discern WHAT “wall” is the RIGHT “wall”. Answers
Monday if I can get close enough for cell connection.

Ex: The 37 foot high Green Monster in Fenway Park original name [Ans: “The
Wall”]

1 Waste-collecting Pixar robot

2 South Dakota oasis of free ice-water

3 13th time around they fell down flat

4 Home of Bulls and Bears of free enterprise

5 Hurricane-tamer on Galveston Bay

6 5000 miles long, built over 2 millennia and visible from space

7 Moniker of Gen. Thomas J Jackson, CSA

8 All that remains of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem (looking for REAL name)

9 Checkpoint Charlie allowed passage from East to West

10 246 ft black granite monument on the Washington Mall

11 Ancient marker of the border of Scotland and England

12 Hitler’s defense of Western Europe from possible Allied invasion

13 Wyoming hideout of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

14 Royal Caribbean’s exercise area on the stern of cruise ships

15 Good fences make good neighbors

~~
 
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net
www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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