[A friend forwarded this touching story]
I spent the week before my daughter’s June wedding running last minute trips
to the caterer, florist, tuxedo shop, and the church about forty miles away.
As happy as I was that Patsy was marrying a good Christian young man, I felt
laden with responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle.
So many details, [...]
An old codger was sitting on his porch this morning, enjoying his rocking
chair on one of the last nice days of Autumn. A young man walked up with a
pad and pencil in his hand and asked to come up on the porch.
“Are you a day early for Halloween or are you trying to sell [...]
[Unless more "imponderables" that are far from the ordinary oft-repeated
fare pop up in my mail box, this is the end. Maybe.
When you put a sheet over your head for Halloween, are you a ghost or a
mattress?
What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Where are we going? [...]
[Another day, even MORE unanswerable questions]
If you’re a kleptomaniac, is there something you can take for it?
Is drilling for oil boring?
Is the nose the scenter of the face?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing
“Happy Birthday?”
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one [...]
[After Monday's bad food questions, I'm getting inundated with more . . . ]
Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial
sweetener?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say “Do Not
Pass”?
Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer?
Did Noah keep [...]
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
Do donuts have holes to remind you of the nutrition you’re missing?
Who first discovered they could get milk from cows, and what did they think
they were doing?
Why does Jell-O have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when
it “gels” the [...]
[Terry Pluto wrote this about a recent visit to Wyoming and it made my heart
thump]
There are some images of heaven with angels floating on clouds and playing
harps, or perhaps of heaven as a never-ending church service where people
sing and pray until they drop. I don’t know what heaven will be like, but I
doubt either of [...]
You Know You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee When…
You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You can jump-start your car without battery cables.
You go to AA meetings just for [...]
You Might Be a Bad Cook if . . .
Your microwave display reads “TILT!”
You know dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
Your dog goes to the neighbors’ to eat.
Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a
fire truck siren.
If the EPA requires that all [...]
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
******
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet. (That would be worth watching)
******
A cockroach will live nine days without its [...]
I was walking with a friend, and he surprised me by stating he was a
“Leading Economic Indicator”. I had to ask him WHY he thought so.
He replied, “My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of
inflation, my back wants to bail out on me every time I bend over, my
backside has [...]
Trying to fix his stalled car, Mr. “A” (he asked to keep his name anonymous)
broke the gas line. The gas soaked his shirt, but the car started.
Driving to a repair shop, he lit a cigarette and his sleeve caught fire.
Thinking that the wind would extinguish the flame, he stuck it out the
window. [...]
[As my faithful readers know, during the week we send inane humor, but on
the weekend we focus on serious moral, ethical, political or religious
issues. This is a true story.]
One night in a church service a young woman felt the tug of God at her
heart. She responded to God’s call and accepted Jesus as her Lord [...]
