My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned
because I couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so
they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it (mainly
because it was a so-so job).

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef — figured it would add a little spice to my life
but I just didn’t have the thyme.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t
noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my
net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the
work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn’t up to
it.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a
historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was
always the same old grind.

So now what? I’m just a poor preacher. And I don’t get paid much, either.

~~�
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to
“Where do pets come from?”

Adam and Eve said, “Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us
every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is
difficult for us to remember how much you love us.”

And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be
with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that
you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or
childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you
are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his
tail.

And Adam said, “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom
and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”

And God said, “No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a
reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name,
and you will call him DOG.”

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said,
“Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like
peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed
taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.”

And God said, “No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be
with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will
remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always
worthy of adoration.”

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them.
And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they
were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was wagged his tail.
And Cat didn’t care one way or the other.

~~
�
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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RECALL NOTICE:

The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured,
regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and
central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original
prototype unit’s code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of
the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically
termed “Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality,” or more commonly known as
S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is
providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct
this defect.

The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire
burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee
required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected,
please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next,
download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart
component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers’ Instructions
Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids
any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too
numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently
impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have
to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter
Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your
attention!

GOD

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

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[HAPPY PATRIOT'S DAY! 9.11 will never be the same in my mind again]

While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout
counter, a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped
beneath the moving belt under the scanner and was gone. They looked and
looked but could not find it.

The checker looked distressed, so the woman said, “That’s okay. It’s in
coupon heaven now.”

“Coupon heaven?” the checker said.

“Yes”, the woman said. “That’s where coupons go when they die.”

The checker replied seriously, “But only the redeemed ones!”

~~

Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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In honor of Labor Day week, can you match the now-famous personalities with
their earlier jobs?

1. Jim Carey
2. Warren Beatty
3. Steve Buscemi
4. Sean Connery
5. Walt Disney
6. Wilford Brimley
7. Morgan Freeman
8. Tim Burton
9. Evangeline Lilly
10. Mick Jagger
11. Rod Steward
13. Marlon Brando
14. Robin Williams
15. Danny DeVito
16. Queen Latifah
17. Lucille Ball
18. Ronald Reagan
19. Jason Lee
20. Michael Douglas
21. BONUS: ‘Dr Bob’ Griffin

a. Red Cross Ambulance Driver
b. Night Watchman
c. Ditch Digger
d. Porter at Mental Health Hospital
e. Gas Station Attendant
f. Slaughterhouse Blood Shoveler
g. Taco Bell Cook
h. Rat Catcher
i. Flight Attendant
j. Air Force Mechanic
k. Ice Cream Cone Maker
l. Radio Announcer
m. Radio Announcer
n. Animator
o. Milkman
p. NY Fire Department
q. Burger King Counter Worker
r. Mime
s. Hair Stylist
t. Howard Hughes Body Guard
u. Gravedigger
[answers tomorrow]

�~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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Knowing that the minister was very fond of Cherry Brandy but did not like to
publicize the fact that he enjoyed an occasional drink, one of the church
deacons offered to give him a bottle on one condition: he must acknowledge
receipt of the gift in the Church Bulletin.

The next Sunday, the deacon turned at once to the �Appreciation� column.
There he read: “The minister extends his thanks to Deacon Brown for his gift
of fruit and the spirit in which it was given.”
�
~~

Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

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If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would
probably be Labor Day Weekend.

Did you hear the joke about Labor Day?
It works for me!

Father: Do you know, most people don’t have to work today, because it’s
Labor Day.
Son: If people are not working, shouldn’t we call today ‘No-Labor Day?’

One seventh of your life is spent on Monday. However, the only person to
get his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is where the
bus stops, what is a work station?

What do you usually do on Labor Day?
As little as possible, just like every day!

‘I’m never going to work for that man again.’
‘Why, what did he say?’
‘You’re fired.’

Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to
school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that
name was already taken.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

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[Some quotations by men who knew something about bad government and what to
do about it:]

1. “Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not.”
~Thomas Jefferson

2. Those who trade liberty for security have neither. ~John Adams

3. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.

4. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.

5. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.

6. Gun control is not about guns; it’s about control.

[And some added since the current debate:]

7. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.

8. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.

9. You don’t shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.

10. Assault is a behavior, not a device.

11. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

12. The United States Constitution and Bill of Rights (c)1791. All Rights
Reserved

13. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the
others.

14. What part of ‘shall not be infringed’ do you NOT understand?

15. Guns have only two enemies; rust and politicians.

16. When you remove the people’s right to bear arms, you create slaves.

17. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

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If Life Were Like a Computer . . .

You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.

You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel
like it!

You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.

You could turn off the speakers when your wife tries to tell you to do
chores.

You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and
car keys.

To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!

If you mess up your life, you could always press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and
start all over!

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

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Ten ways to know that you’re addicted to your computer:

10) When you begin to laugh you yell, LOL.
9) You tell your computer you love it more than you tell your spouse.
You think of the computer in your office as your “friend,” but you forget
to send your father a birthday card.
7) Your house catches on fire and you rush home to save your computer before
your family.
6) You’re not anti-social; you’re just not user friendly
5) Your motto: “Friends don’t let friends use Windows”
4) You type 40 words a minute with two fingers.
3) Your twins are named RAM & ROM.
2) After breaking from your computer, you realize you have gained 40lbs,
have grown hair in unusual places, your spouse and kids have left you, and
Windows Vista has replaced XP.
1) You read the Grif.Net every day!

.~~
ANSWERS: Who Wants to Be a Wyoming Millionaire?

100 c) Cheyenne
200 d) Equality State
400 a) North Dakota
1000 a) Evanston
2000 c) Western Meadowlark
4000 c) 50th
8,000 b) Indian Paintbrush
16000 d) Wyoming, Montana & Idaho
32,000 a) Gannett (33 feet higher than Grand Teton)
64,000 b) Bear (flows into the Great Salt Lake)
125,000 b) Cheyenne
250,000 d) pu-po zsha
500,000 c) Cutthroat Trout
1,000,000 d) Point of Rocks (Jim Bridger Power Plant at 14 stories tall)

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

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Who Wants to Be a Wyoming Millionaire?

$100 – Capital city?
a. Laramie b. Casper c. Cheyenne d. Sheridan

$200 – Wyoming is called the Cowboy State. What is its other state nickname?
a. Mountain State b. Land of Opportunity c. Sportsman’s Paradise d.
Equality State

$400 – State that DOES NOT border WY?
a. North Dakota b. Montana c. South Dakota d. Idaho

$1000 – Furthest south?
a. Evanston b. Jackson c. Chugwater d. Laramie

$2000 – State bird?
a. Sage Grouse b. Squeaker c. Western Meadowlark d. Bald Eagle

$4,000 – Population rank (2000 census)?
a. 42nd b. 49th c. 50th d. 51st

$8,000 – State Flower?
a. Big Sage Brush b. Indian Paintbrush c. Mules Ears d. Columbine

$16,000 – Yellowstone National Park is in which state(s)?
a. Wyoming b. Wyoming & Montana c. Wyoming & Utah d. Wyoming,
Montana & Idaho

$32,000 – Tallest peak?
a. Gannett Peak b. Grand Teton c. Garnett Peak d. Laramie Peak

$64,000 – What Wyoming river system does NOT eventually drain into an ocean?
a. Little Snake b. Bear c. Powder d. Green

$125,000 – Largest City (2000 census)?
a. Casper b. Cheyenne c. Laramie d. Cody

$250,000 – Pronounce “Popo Agie”?
a. po-po a-gee b. po-po ah-jee c. pa-po-jee d. pu-po zsha

$500,000 -Native to Wyoming?
a. Rainbow Trout b. Brook Trout c. Cutthroat Trout d. Cutthroat & Brook
Trout

$1,000,000 – In what area is the tallest building in Wyoming?
a. Casper b. Cheyenne c. Laramie d. Point of Rocks

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

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New month so have to share some truly awful puns . . .

Ever since my friend had all the digits amputated from his feet, I find him
very annoying. I think I might be lack-toes intolerant.

I met a man who fell into an upholstery machine. Fortunately, he’s fully
recovered now.

My doctor had also trained in chemistry. All his patients knew he would
either helium or barium.

When a clock is hungry, does it go back four seconds?

When the knight walked into the blacksmith’s shop to pick up his armor, the
blacksmith said, “You’ve got mail.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

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