“It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it
happens.”
~Woody Allen
“Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
~George Burns
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll
never know. But then we tried to get his tusks off, which was very
difficult. Of course in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa. But that’s entirely
irrelephant to what I was talking about.
~Groucho Marx
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are
stupider than that.”
~George Carlin
“Parents are not interested in justice — they want quiet!”
~Bill Cosby
“I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering
me up.”
~Rodney Dangerfield
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people.
What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
~Dennis Miller
“I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.”
~Chris Rock
“Bozo the Clown. Do we really need ‘the Clown’? Are we going to confuse him
with Bozo the Tax Attorney? Bozo the Pope?”
~Jerry Seinfeld
“I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could
drive.” ~Steven Wright
“I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.”
~Henny Youngman
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”