[Regarding "Swine Flu." - from Friday's Grif.Net, Gene asks "If a person
dies from the
Swine Flu, does he go to "Hog Heaven?" His answer - "Only if he is riding a
Harley".]
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica-
where do they go? Wonder no more!
It is a known fact that [...]
Let the minister have a place in your heart. Mention his name at your family
altar, and in your prayer closet. You expect him to come before you day
after day, to teach you the things of the kingdom, and exhort and stir up
your pure minds by way of remembrance. If he be a true minister, there [...]
What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?
For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.
[Thanks grammak for the smile]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”
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[Since March 20th we've have 5 heavy snow storms and uncounted rain storms.
Very unusual for arid Casper. Last Sunday (June 7) was 37F and half inch of
rain. A friend in Seattle wrote me and said to QUIT WHINING about the
little bit of precipitation we get in Wyoming. And gave some examples from
her home [...]
Everybody knows about the Fujita Scale which measures the power of tornados.
But nobody really knows what all those types of twisters do to COWS. So here
is the MOOJITA Scale…
M0 Tornado – Cows in an open field are spun around parallel to the wind flow
and become mildly annoyed
M1 Tornado – Cows are tipped over and can’t [...]
The 2009 graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The 2009 graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The 2009 graduate with a Business degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The 2009 graduate with an Economics degree asks, “How can we market it?”
The 2009 graduate with an English Literature degree asks, [...]
“Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds
the universe together.” Carl Zwanzig
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not
sure about the former.” Albert Einstein
“Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for
those people who can’t remember where they [...]
CHILDREN’S DAY, 2009
PASTOR:
Lord, we pray for children who put chocolate fingers everywhere, who like to
be tickled, who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants, who sneak
Popsicles before supper, and can never find their shoes.
CONGREGATION:
And we pray for those who have no shoes, who stare at photographers from
behind barbed wire, who never “count potatoes”, who [...]
Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As
they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came
along and snatched up the billfold. Soon came another carp who stole it away
and then a third joined in.
Remarked one of the fisherman, “That’s the first [...]
You Know You’re Having a Bad Day When . . .
Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell’s Angels motorcyclists.
Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold.
Your income tax refund check [...]
1. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when [...]
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the
wrong answers.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in
the correct screw.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I
hate plants.
If a woman [...]
The economy is so bad.
Motel Six won’t leave the light on.
The Mafia is laying off judges.
A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.
The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
Gold diggers are marrying for love.
Even people who were not [...]
