05/30/09 Weekend Grif.Net – The Law of the Garbage Truck

[Carol forwarded this. Author Unknown.]

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving
in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a parking space right in
front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the
other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head
around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at
the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, “Why did you just
do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!”

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, The Law of the
Garbage Truck. He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They
run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of
disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and
sometimes they’ll dump it on you. Don’t take it personally. Just smile,
wave, wish them well, and move on. Don’t take their garbage and spread it
to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take
over their day. Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so
love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don’t.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

05/29/09 Grif.Net – Texas Mugging

In Texas, a woman was called in front of a grand jury for possible
manslaughter charges after she shot a mugger in the back six times as he was
running away with her purse.

He had grabbed her purse and ran. But she had her hand on her gun inside
the purse, and when he ran with the stolen purse she was left holding just
the gun.

When asked by the grand jury why she shot him six times in the back as he
was running, under oath she replied “Because when I pulled the trigger the
7th time, it only went click.”

She was acquitted of all charges.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

05/28/09 Grif.Net – Loose in the Neighborhood

[Yesterday's Grif.Net on "Neighborhoods" left out the IDIOTS who live there.
We've all run into them]

A new resident of a semi-rural area called the local township administrative
office to request the removal of the ‘Deer Crossing’ sign on our road. The
reason? “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is
a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”

A friend went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person
behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they
only had iceberg.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when an airport employee
asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To
which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He
smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was
crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I
knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when
the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people
doing driving?”

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the
company due to “downsizing”, the manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun.
We should do this more often.” Not another word was spoken.

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s
side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I announced to the
technician, “its open!” His reply, “I know – I already got that side.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

05/27/09 Grif.Net – My Neighborhood

My neighborhood was so tough that the kids had to be muzzled to protect the
pit bulls.

My friends lived in a neighborhood where kids set up lemonade stands. My
neighborhood was so tough that the kids set up ammo stands.

My neighborhood was so tough that instead of using chalk to play hopscotch,
we used it to play body outline.

My friends lived in a neighborhood where every block had nice cars. My
neighborhood was so tough that every nice car was up on blocks.

My neighborhood was so tough that when I called 9-1-1, the operator would
answer it “You again?”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

05/25/09 Memorial Day Grif.Net – A Creed

A CREED (Edgar Guest)

Lord let me not in service lag.
Let me be worthy of our flag.
Let me remember when I’m tired,
The sons heroic who have died.

In freedom’s name and in my way,
Teach me to be as brave as they.
In all I am, in all I do,
Unto our flag I would be true.

For God and country let me stand,
Unstained of soul, clean of hand.
Teach me to serve and guard and love,
The starry flag that flies above.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

05/23/09 Weekend Grif.Net – Welsh Marching Song

[My family name is "Griffin", Americanized from "Gryphon" of Welsh and Irish
mythology. As I put up our flag in remembrance of the fallen soldiers of
generations past, I found myself humming my favorite marching song. The
last time I sang this song was many years ago, with the men of our company
(Company I, 3rd US Volunteer Infantry) under a star-filled bivouac at Fort
Phil Kearny at the base of the Big Horn Mountains. Deep, rich baritone and
bass echoed across the battlefield. It is to the memory of men who were
willing to fight and die that I dedicate these words.]

Men of Harlech! in the hollow, do you hear like rushing billow,
Wave on wave that surging follow battle’s distant sound?
‘Tis the tramp of Saxon foemen, Saxon spearmen, Saxon bowmen;
Be they knights, or hinds, or yeomen – they shall bite the ground!
Loose the folds asunder, flag we conquer under!
The placid sky now bright on high shall launch its bolts in thunder!
Onward, ’tis the country needs us; he is bravest, he who leads us!
Honor’s self now proudly heeds us – Freedom! God! and Right!

Men of Harlech! Honor calls us; no proud Saxon e’er appalls us.
On we march! What e’er befalls us, never shall we fly.
Forward, lightly bounding to the trumpet’s sounding:
Forward ever, backward never, the haughty foe astounding.
Fight for father, sister, mother; each is bound to each as brother;
And with faith in one another we will win or die!

Though our mothers may be weeping, though our sisters may be keeping
Watch for some who now are sleeping on the battlefield,
Still the trumpet’s braying sounds on, ever saying -
Let each bowman pierce a foe and never stop the slaying,
Till invaders learn to fear us, and no Saxon lingers near us;
Men of Wales, our God doth hear us; never will be yield!

Rocky steep and passes narrow flash with spear and flight of arrow.
Who would think of death or sorrow? Death is glory now!
Hurl the reeling horsemen over, let the earth dead foemen cover.
Fate of friend, of wife, of lover trembles on a blow!
Strands of life are riven! Blow for blow is given
In deadly lock or battle shock, and mercy shrieks from heaven!
Men of Harlech! young or hoary, would you win a name in story?
Strike for home, for life, for glory! Freedom! God! and Right!

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

05/22/09 Grif.Net – Pearls of Wisdom

[Borrowed from Prairie Home Companion]

Just remember, a hard boiled egg is really hard to beat.

Seeing a hungry man, you go to your bank and withdraw money, and give the
man $10. You may have fed him for a day or two. However, if you teach that
same man to rob that same bank, you have fed him for twenty-five-to-life.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.

What’s the difference between a kitty-cat and a comma? One has its claws at
the end of its paws; the other has its pause at the end of its clause.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back
in your pocket.

There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those
who can’t.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

05/21/09 Grif.Net – Contest Winners

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As
they walked, they come across a sign: “Beauty contest for the most beautiful
woman in the world.”

“I am entering!” said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they
ask her, “Well, how’d ya do?”

“First Place!” said a smiling Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign: “Contest for the strongest man in
the world.”

“I’m entering,” says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask
him, “How did you make out?”

“First Place,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”

They continue walking when they see a sign: “Contest! Who is the greatest
liar in the world?” Pinocchio enters.

After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.

“What happened?” they asked.

“Who is this Nancy Pelosi, anyway?” asked Pinocchio.

[Thanks to TM for the forward]

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

05/20/09 Grif.Net – New Wine for Senior Citizens

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot
Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape
that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to help with sleep while reducing the number of trips older
people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as PINOT MORE

May not be true, but I heard it through the grapevine.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

05/19/09 Grif.Net – First Aid Training

When I taught at old PU, I heard about a student who came in late for
finals. “How come you’re late?” asked the professor.

“It was awful,” she explains. “I was walking down the street and there was
this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he had
been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and
there was blood everywhere. I’m so glad I took that first-aid course at
Pillsbury College; all my training came back to me in a minute.”

“What did you do?” asked the professor.

“I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!”

~~
[Presidential Trivia answers]
16. President who lived the longest life GERALD FORD
17. First American to win the Nobel Prize THEODORE ROOSEVELT
18. Only President never to marry JAMES BUCHANAN
19. First President to be born in a hospital JIMMY CARTER
20. Oldest President to assume office RONALD REAGAN
21. Youngest President to assume office THEODORE ROOSEVELT
22. First Presidential inauguration to be filmed WILLIAM MCKINLEY
23. First President to call the Executive Mansion the “White House” THEODORE
ROOSEVELT
24. Only President who was a former fashion model GERALD FORD
25. Shortest President JAME MADISON (5’4″)
26. Only President who was not elected by the people GERALD FORD
27. First President to visit all 50 states RICHARD NIXON
28. First President to be photographed JOHN QUINCY ADAMS
29. Only President to be born outside the continental United States BARACK
OBAMA
30. President who dedicated the Statue of Liberty GROVER CLEVELAND
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

05/18/09 Grif.Net – Sermon on Sin

I heard that a minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach
about a special sin. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to
read Mark 17.”

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister
asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17 as he
requested. Nearly every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed
with my sermon – ‘The Sin of Lying’.”

~~
Answers to “Presidential Trivia”
1. President with the most children (15) JOHN TYLER
2. First President born in the United States (not England or a colony)
MARTIN VAN BUREN
3. Won with a unanimous electoral vote GEORGE WASHINGTON
4. First President to wear long trousers instead of knee-breeches JAMES
MADISON
5. First President to live in the White House JOHN ADAMS
6. Only President to be married in the White House GROVER CLEVELAND
7. First President born west of the Mississippi River HERBERT HOOVER
8. Only President to serve in both World War I and World War II DWIGHT
EISENHOWER
9. President who started the tradition of a Christmas tree on the White
House lawn FRANKLIN PIERCE
10. President who held the first Easter Egg Roll on the White House lawn
RUTHERFORD HAYES
11. First President to own a car WILLIAM TAFT
12. First Vice President to ascend to Presidency upon the death of the
President JOHN TYLER
13. First President to wear a beard ABRAHAM LINCOLN
14. First President to give a speech on television HARRY TRUMAN
15. First Roman Catholic President JOHN KENNEDY

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
“Jesus knows me, this I love”

05/16/09 Weekend Grif.Net – What the Congregation can do for their Pastor

Floyd Doud Shafer (Christianity Today, March 27, 1961)

There was a time, about three generations ago, when the minister was known
as the parson. Parson, in those days, was not a nickname, but an honorific
title, and it meant The Person. More often than not the parson was the best
educated man in the community and he ranked with the physician and the
pedagogue, and the lawyer in eminence. But our time has seen a complete
switch in this situation. The minister is no longer a parson. The advent of
a highly educated public has put the minister close to the bottom of the
listings in educated persons. Our reaction to this turn of events should
have been a determined and disciplined effort to regain and maintain
superior excellence in the things which pertain to God. Instead, the clergy
retreated in mad scramble behind the breastworks of administrative detail,
ecclesiastical trivia, and community vagrancy. Whenever our conscience
bothered us, we simply ran off to another meeting to make arrangements for
succeeding meetings to flee to. We are no longer parsons, now we are “good
Joes” and in place of providing the Church with her needed “Scholar
teachers” who are equipped to bring God and man together in reasoned
relation, we no find ourselves among those who need to be reached by the
“Scholar Teacher” and wise men of God. What is the resolution of this
ridiculous farce?

Minister of the Word

The answer ought to be obvious. Actually, it is in the nature of a cabala.
Here it is in taunting simplicity: Make him a minister of the Word! But what
does that mean? What could be more esoteric? Very well, we will say it with
more passionate bluntness. Fling him into his office, tear the office sign
from the door and nail on the sign: STUDY. Take him off the mailing list,
lock him up with his books (get him all kinds of books) and his typewriter
and his Bible. Slam him down on his knees before texts, broken hearts, and
the flippant lives of a superficial flock, and the Holy God. Throw him into
the ring to box with God till he learns how short his arms are: engage him
to wrestle with God all the night through. Let him come out only when he is
bruised and beaten into being a blessing. Set a time clock on him that will
imprison him with thought and writing about God for 40 hours a week. Shut
his garrulous mouth forever spouting “remarks” and stop his tongue always
tripping lightly over everything non-essential. Require him to have
something to say before he dare break silence. Bend his knees in the
lonesome valley, fire him from the PTA and cancel his country club
membership: burn his eyes with weary study, wreck his emotional poise with
worry for God, and make him exchange his pious stance for a humble walk with
God and man. Make him spend and be spent for the glory of God.

A Life Aflame

Rip out his telephone, burn up his ecclesiastical success sheets, refuse his
glad hand, and put water in the gas tank of his community buggy. Give him a
Bible and tie him to his pulpit and make him preach the Word of the Living
God. Test him, quiz him and examine him: humiliate him for his ignorance of
things divine, and shame him for his glib comprehension of finances, batting
averages, and political infighting. Laugh at his frustrated effort to play
psychiatrist, scorn his insipid morality, refuse his supine intelligence,
ignore his broadmindedness which is only flat headedness, and compel him to
be a minister of the Word. If he wants to be gracious, challenge him rather
to be a product of the rough grace of God. If he dotes on being pleasing,
demand that he please God and not man. If he wants to be unctuous, ask him
to make sounds with a tongue on which a Holy Flame has rested. If he wants
to be a manager, insist rather that he be a manikin for God, a being who is
illustrative of the purpose and will of God.

One Thing Needful

Form a choir and raise a chant and haunt him with it night and day: “Sir, we
wish to see Jesus.” When, at long last, he dares assay the pulpit, ask him
if he has a word from God: if he does not, then dismiss him and tell him you
can read the morning paper, digest the television commentaries, think
through the day’s superficial problems, manage the community’s myriad
drives, and bless assorted baked potatoes and green beans ad infinitum
better than he can. Command him not to come back until he has read and
re-read, written and re-written, until he can stand up, worn and forlorn,
and say, “Thus saith the Lord!” Break him across the board of his ill-gotten
popularity, smack him hard with his own prestige, corner him with questions
about God, and cover him with demands for celestial wisdom, and give him no
escape until he is backed against the wall of the Word: then sit down before
him and listen to the only word he has left: God’s Word. Let him be totally
ignorant of the down-street gossip, but give him a chapter and order him to
walk around it, camp on it, suffer with it, and come at last to speak it
backwards and forwards until all he says about it rings with the truth of
eternity. Ask him to produce living credentials that he has been and is true
father in his own home before you allow him license to play father to all
and sundry. Demand to be shown that his love is deep, strong, and secure
among those nearest and dearest to him before he is given contract to share
the superfluity of his affability with all sorts and conditions of persons.
Examine his manse whether it be a seminary of faith, hope, learning, and
love or a closet of fretting, doubt, dogmatism, and temper; if it be the
latter, the quarantine him in it for praying, crying, and conversion, and
then let him go forth converted, to convert.

Sign and Symbol

Mold him relentlessly into a man forever bowed but never cowed before the
unconcealed truth which he has labored to reveal, and let him hang flung
against the destiny of almighty God; let his soul be stripped bare before
the onrushing purposes of God, and let him be lost, doomed, and done that
his God alone be all in all. Let him, in himself, be sign and symbol that
everything human is lost, that Grace comes through loss; and make him the
illustration that Grace alone is amazing, sufficient, and redemptive. Let
him be transparent to God’s grace, God himself. And when he is burned out by
the flaming Word that coursed through him, when he is consumed at last by
the fiery Grace blazing through him, and when he who was privileged to
translate the truth of God to man is finally translated from earth to
heaven, then bear him away gently, blow a muted trumpet and lay him down
softly, place a two-edged sword on his coffin and raise a tune triumphant,
for he was a brave soldier of the Word and e’er he died he had become
spokesman of his God.

~~
Dr. Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
“Jesus knows me, this I love”