[How many "trillions" in new taxes am I (and my grandchildren) going to pay
for a socialist America? It will get worse. So might as well laugh about
it instead of cry]
America is the land of opportunity. Everyone can become a taxpayer.
Q: What’s the definition of a good tax accountant?
A: Someone who has a [...]
Read in the paper about a fellow who had just finished reading a new book
entitled, ‘YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE’. He stormed to his wife in the
kitchen and announced:
“From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word
is Law. You will prepare me a [...]
[Grif.Net readers have submitted more "I met a man . . . " humor. Don't
blame me.]
I met a man who needed to lose weight so he went to the hardware store to
buy a gallon of thinner.
I met a monkey who backed into a fan and cut off part of his tail. The
monkey said, “It [...]
Dante’s View and Our Choice
By BOB HAYNES, Benton County (Arkansas) Daily Record
In Death Valley, there is a place known as Dante’s View. From this location
you can look down into the lowest spot in the United States, a depression in
the earth 200 feet below sea level called Black Water. But from Dante’s View
you can also look [...]
I met a man who fell into an upholstery machine. Fortunately, he’s fully
recovered now.
I met a butcher who backed into the sausage grinder and got a little behind
in his work.
I met an optician who fell into the lens-grinding machine and made a
spectacle of himself.
I met a fellow who drove his car into a river in [...]
The Pope was finishing his Palm Sunday sermon. He ended it with the Latin
phrase, “Tutti Homini” – Blessed be Mankind.
A women’s rights group quickly complained to papal officials. They noticed
that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind
The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, “Tutti Homini,
et Tutti Femini” – Blessed be [...]
January 1st: “My children and I will learn Hebrew this year.”
April 1st: “My children and I will weekly eat one dozen bagels with lox.”
January 1st: “I will get the kids the pet they’ve always wanted.”
April 1st: “I will buy a collar and a leash for my chia plant.”
January 1st: “I will make only home-made yogurt [...]
Living in Wyoming, I loved the outdoors. Because of my passion for hunting
and fishing, my family has always eaten a considerable amount of wild game.
We eat so much wild game, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of
broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my daughter looked up and said:
“Boy, it sure [...]
Wife to Husband: “I think the Pastor is on a diet. He kept mumbling about
being good low-carb Christians, and not partaking of the forbidden fruit.”
Assistant Pastor to Pastor: “It was tough to keep their attention during the
service, but you kept them awake. Many have yawned, but few are dozin’.”
Boy to Mother: “Pastor is [...]
“Walking down a path through some woods, I saw a water puddle ahead on the
path. I angled my direction to go around it on the part of the path that
wasn’t covered by water and mud. As I reached the puddle, I was suddenly
attacked!
“Yet I did nothing for the attack was so unpredictable and from a [...]
[What a way to start out April with three days of really bad puns and
word-plays. But that's it. Maybe. April 15th is coming! Always a joke!]
Scientists have announced that we have made contact with an alien race whose
planet is entirely covered by one gigantic shopping center. The skeptical
scientists didn’t believe it at first, but they’ve [...]
He made money sending thousands of junk emails to people, but one day he
made a mistake and sent a whole load of them to a famous Hollywood actress.
She was so angry that she had him beaten up, and that’s how he came to be
known as The Star Mangled Spammer.
I know a farmer who has 200 [...]
Here are some feeble attempts at puns for a new month. No foolin’.
“Ever since my friend had all the digits amputated from his feet, I find him
very annoying.
I think I might be lack-toes intolerant.”
“My friend Max hates going up steep hills.
He’s always been a bit of an anti-climb Max.”
“I knew someone once who was [...]
