There’s a new movie out this weekend. It’s about the time that Marc Antony’s
wife was a slumlord in the Mideast in World War I.
It’s called “Low Rents of Octavia.”
~~
There’s another new movie out this week. It’s about a crusading attorney in
the Deep South who heroically invoices a swaying piece of coagulated milk.
It’s called [...]
[For new subscribers to the Grif.Net: on Monday-Friday we send out a
slightly warped blend of humor. On the weekend we send out material that is
more serious of a moral, ethical, religious or political nature. This
weekend I think it odd to be celebrating two birthdays. Thought I'd share a
little of my personal story (and my heart) [...]
STOCK MARKET DEFINITIONS FOR SAVVY 2009 INVESTORS
CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investment banker to
mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET — A 6- to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the
wife gets no jewelry.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling [...]
BUSINESS NEWS
1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people, but keeps the building
standing. It’s called the stock market.
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are?
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10 Most Expensive Catastrophes in History
#10 Titanic – $150 Million
#9 Tanker Truck vs. Bridge – $358 Million
#8 Metro Link Crash – $500 Million
#7 B-2 Bomber Crash – $1.4 Billion
#6 Exxon Valdez – $2.5 Billion
#5 Piper Alpha Oil Rig – $3.4 Billion
#4 Challenger Explosion – $5.5 Billion
#3 Prestige Oil Spill – $12 Billion
#2 Space Shuttle Columbia [...]
Norinne – “I just joined a group of Accordion Players”
Teresa – “Oh,” (kiddingly) “is it a Twelve-Step Group?”
Norinne – “No, it’s a One-and-a-Two step group”
Mourner at funeral – “He looks so natural”
Widow – “You should have seen him two weeks ago.”
Friend – “What time is it?”
Lizzie Borden – “I don’t know; I’ll go ax father.”
Crew [...]
A Federal Agent from the Bureau of Land Management: Department of Water
stopped by a ranch west of Casper and talked with an old rancher. He told
the codger, “I need to inspect your farm for your irrigation allocation.”
The old rancher said, “OK, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The Water representative said, “Mister, [...]
[Tiger Woods spoke at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington during "We
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[Today is the 36th anniversary of my ordination. After pastoring a few years
following grad school in Dec 1970, my church asked me to stand for
ordination. We also brought our firstborn son home from the hospital that
day - what a joyous (and stressful) day! Was thinking about that when I came
on these statistics]
Avoid riding in automobiles. [...]
THE DOCTORS’ OPINION OF THE BAILOUT (from Peggy Randle)
The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to
make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the
Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception, and the
Ophthalmologists considered [...]
A delegation of indigenous Mexicans went on a state visit to China. Of
course, there was a formal banquet planned.
The Chinese chef had read that their ancient culture believed that, when you
eat something, you absorb the qualities of that animal or plant. So he
prepared a dinner of stir-fried lion meat.
The visitors were delighted, and [...]
[A string of a dozen Pearls of Wisdom from "A Prairie Home Companion"]
If it weren’t for Venetian blinds it would be curtains for all of us.
During the Stone Age men took everything for granite.
Shouldn’t one ask for ’stop coughing’ medicine?
A hard boiled egg is hard to beat.
Is it true that ‘DNA’ stands for National Dyslexics [...]
My cousin is the world’s worst at getting instructions mixed up. A few weeks
ago she and her husband were shopping and he bought her one of those fancy
drip electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it.
The sales clerk carefully explained to her how everything worked. He
thought he was clear when [...]
