The Washington Post published the winning submissions to its yearly contest,
in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
Here are some of the top entries.
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
6. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
7. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
8. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.
9. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
10. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
11. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
12. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
“Jesus knows me, this I love”