05/01/08 Grif.Net – Math Terrorism

05/01/08 Grif.Net – Math Terrorism

At New York’s Kennedy airport a bit ago, an individual later discovered to
be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man
is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the
FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,” the A-G said. “They desire average solutions
by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of
absolute value. They use secret code names like “x” and “y” and refer to
themselves as “unknowns”, but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

“As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every
triangle,” he declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes.

“I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on
protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with
calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every
sphere of influence,” the President said, adding: “Under the circumferences,
we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line.”

President Bush warned, “These weapons of math instruction have the potential
to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we
become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts off

The Attorney General praised this response, saying, “As a great former
Leader would say, read my ellipse.” Here is one principle he is certain of:
though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse
tightens around their necks.

Dr Bob Griffin,
“Jesus knows me, this I love”