From an actual newspaper contest where teenaged entrants were asked to
imitate “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.”
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I
don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on
the last day of their life?
–Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the
things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
–Age 13
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president’s birthday, like
they do for the queen’s. Of course, then we would have a lot of people
voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long
weekends.
–Age 12
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
–Age 13
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn’t as popular a singer as some people
think he should be. Then, I remember it’s because he’s terrible.
–Age 15
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the
astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what
happens to cheese when you leave it out.
–Age 14
My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get
buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have
told him the truth-that most of us go to hell and burn eternally – but I
didn’t want to upset him.
–Age 16
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I’ve found my dog. Then
I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff.
Dog lovers sure don’t have a sense of humor.
–Age 14
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few
minutes each day. At the end of the year, you’ll have a couple of days
saved up.
–Age 17
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe “Don’t
you think it is about time you audited my return?” Or “Isn’t it morally
wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?”
–Age 15
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace
for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting
started.
–Age 18
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given