The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page
picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and
asked, “What flag is this?”
A little girl called out, “That’s the flag of our country.”
“Very good,” the teacher said. “And what is the name of our country?”
“‘Tis of thee,” the girl said confidently.
~~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandpa, do you know how
you and God are alike?”
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, “No, how are we alike?”
“You’re both really old,” he replied.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided
to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She
would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I
continued.
At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandpa, I think you should
try to figure out some of these yourself!”
~~
Dr Bob, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high
esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Do you
know what I just heard about your friend?”
“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before you talk to me about my
friend, it might be good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going
to say. That’s why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is
Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is
true?”
“Well, no,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and.”
“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or
not. Now, let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you
are about to tell me about my friend something good?”
“Umm, no, on the contrary.”
“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about my
friend, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test
though, because there’s one filter left-the filter of Usefulness. Is what
you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”
“No, not really.”
“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither
true, nor good, nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”
[Original source unknown. Thanks to Adam for the forward. Worth thinking
about!]
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY
1. Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
2. Someone call the janitor. We’re going to need a mop.
3. Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.
4. Rusty! Rusty! Come back with that! Bad dog!
5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
6. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
7. Sterile, schmerile. The floor’s clean, right?
8. OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of
nature.
9. And now we remove the subject’s brain and place it in the body of the
ape.
10. Could you stop that thing from beating? It’s throwing my concentration
off.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
[Yesterday we shared "rules" for dogs and for company. Here are some
reminders of why many think pets are to be preferred over kids]
Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don’t ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don’t hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don’t smoke or drink
8. Don’t have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don’t want to wear your clothes
10.Don’t need a “gazillion” dollars for college
and finally.
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
PET RULES (To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door – nose height)
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does
not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall
faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years — canine or feline
attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s rear end.
I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That’s why they call it “fur”niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
Little Jacob saw his Grandma coming down the walk with his Mom. “I sure am
happy to see you, now maybe Daddy will do the trick he’s been promising.”
Grandma was curious and asked, “What trick is that?”
Jacob answered, “I heard him tell Mommy that he would climb the walls if you
came to visit again.”
~~
Jacob then asked his Grandma how old she was. Grandma smiled and answered,
“39 and holding.”
Jacob thought for a moment, and then said, “And how old would you be if you
let go?”
~~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give
up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer.
He bought a chicken farm. As it turned out, his next door neighbor was
also a chicken farmer.
The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, “Chicken farming isn’t
easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I’ll give you 100 chickens.”
The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the new neighbor
stopped by to see how things were going.
The new farmer said, “Not too well. All 100 chickens died.”
The neighbor said, “Oh, I can’t believe that. I’ve never had any trouble
with my chickens. I’ll give you 100 more.”
Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor stopped in again. The new
farmer said, “You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100
chickens died, too.”
Astounded, the neighbor asked, “What went wrong?”
“Well,” said the new farmer, “I’m not sure whether I’m planting them too
deep or too close together.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love=92s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and bless=E8d we shall meet at last.
Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side-by-side, sharing machinery and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch.
Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference and finally, it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence.
One morning there was a knock on John’s door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter’s toolbox. “I’m looking for a few days’ work, ” he said. Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?”
“Yes,” said the older brother. ” I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That’s my neighbor. In fact, it’s my younger brother! A few weeks ago there was a meadow between us. He recently took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us.
Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I’ll do him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence an 8-foot fence — so I won’t need to see his place or his face anymore.”
The carpenter said, ” I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I’ll be able to do a job that pleases you.”
The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day — measuring, sawing and nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job.
The farmer’s eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped.
There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge… a bridge that stretched from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work, handrails and all! And the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming toward them, his hand outstretched. ” You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I’ve said and done.” The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each other’s hand and embraced.
They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox onto his shoulder.
No, wait! Stay a few days. I’ve a lot of other projects for you,” said the older brother. I’d love to stay on,” the carpenter said, “but I have many more bridges to build. But please remember this …
God won’t ask what kind of car you drove,
but He’ll ask how many people you helped get where they needed to go.
God won’t ask the square footage of your house,
but He’ll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.
God won’t ask about the clothes you had in your closet,
but He’ll ask how many you helped to clothe.
God won’t ask how many friends you had,
but He’ll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.
God won’t ask in what neighborhood you lived,
but He’ll ask how you treated your neighbors.
God won’t ask about the color of your skin,
but He’ll ask about the content of your character.
God won’t ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation,
but He’ll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
Another poor soul, Len, forgot Valentine’s Day and he was seen talking yesterday with his friend Earl.
Earl asked, “How bad is it? Do you think you’ll be able to salvage your marriage?”
Len replied, “This may be the straw that broke the camel’s back. She hasn’t spoken to me since I forgot her birthday in November and now it is three months without her saying a word to me. I think I’m going to divorce her.”
Earl thought a minute, then advised, “Hasn’t talked to you in three months?
You better think it over. Women like that are hard to find.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
Husband: “I am SO sorry that I forgot Valentine’s Day. I know you must be hurt and angry with such a fool like me. What can I do for you to forgive me?”
Wife: “I have already dealt with it”
Husband: “What did you do?”
Wife: “I cleaned the toilet bowl.”
Husband: “But how did that help?”
Wife: “I used your toothbrush.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given
[PS - Never forgot 30 years ago today. Wife in labor with our last child and my baby girl decided to wait until Feb 15th to come - but oh the joy of this proud 'Papa'. And still today.]
