[Final installment of differences between men and women.  Like you didn't know them already!]

21 – DRESSING UP
WOMEN: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
MEN: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

22 – DAVID LETTERMAN
MEN think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the Earth.
WOMEN think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

23 – CAMERAS
MEN take photography very seriously. They’ll shell out $4,000 for
state-of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography
classes.
WOMEN will purchase a $19 1mb 1992 quality digital. Of course, women always
end up taking better pictures.

24 – POLITICS
MEN love to talk politics, but often they forget to do political things such as voting.
WOMEN are very happy that another generation of Kennedys is growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign for them and cry on election night.

25 – LAUNDRY
WOMEN do laundry every couple of days.
MEN: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. – This is a myth.

26 – WEDDINGS
WOMEN: When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about “the ceremony”.
MEN talk about “the bachelor party”.

27 – SOCKS
MEN wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweat socks.
WOMEN wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

28 – TOYS
WOMEN: Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.
MEN never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: little miniature TV’s, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, TiVo,
Xbox and anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six “D” batteries to operate.

29 – PLANTS
WOMEN: A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation.
MEN: The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

30 – MOUSTACHES
MEN look good with mustaches. That is, TWO MEN – Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds.
WOMEN: Won’t even go there.

Bonus – NICKNAMES:
WOMEN eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle.
MEN: But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a pizza, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Useless.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

[More "differences" in the way men/women muddle their way through life]

11 – MIRRORS:
MEN are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror.
Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny
surface–mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola’s head.

12 – GARAGES
WOMEN use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers.
MEN use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, and
they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in
garages.

13 – MOVIES
WOMEN: For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses
Vivien Leigh for the first time in “Gone With The Wind”.
MEN: For men, it’s when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark’s face
in “Public Enemy”.

14 – JEWELRY
WOMEN look nice when they wear jewelry.
MEN can get away with wearing one ring, and that’s it. Any more than that,
and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

15 – MENOPAUSE
WOMEN: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of
complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and
degree of the changes varies with the individual.
MEN: Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction–he buys aviator
glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping
for a Porsche.

16 – TELEPHONE
MEN see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to
send short messages to other people.
WOMEN: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning
home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

17 – LOW BLOWS
Let’s say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One
of the fighters is felled by a low blow.
WOMEN: “Oh, my, that must hurt.”
MEN: The man doubles over and actually feels pain.

18 – DIRECTIONS
WOMEN: If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar
surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions.
MEN: Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask
for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying
things like, “Looks like I’ve found a new way to get there”, and, “I know
I’m in the neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11″.

19 – ADMITTING MISTAKES
WOMEN will sometimes admit making a mistake.
MEN: The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.

20 – OFFSPRING
WOMEN: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and
favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
MEN are vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

[Scientific studies on differences between men and women have been recently
presented. We will break them down and share them this week on the Grif.Net.
You're welcome.]

1 – RELATIONSHIPS:
WOMEN: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to
her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled “All Men Are Idiots”. Then
she will get on with her life.
MEN: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the
break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, “I just
wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I
hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know there’s always a
chance for us”. This is known as the “I Hate You/I Love You” phone call,
that 99% of all men have made at least once.

2 – MATURITY
WOMEN: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can
function as adults.
MEN: Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each
other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.

3 – HATS
WOMEN look good in hats (exception: Queen Elizabeth, but she has other
problems)
MEN look like dorks, especially in baseball caps worn indoors

4 – COMEDY
MEN: Let’s say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching
television, and an episode of “The Three Stooges” comes on. Immediately, the
men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to
imitate the actions of Curly, man’s favorite stooge.
WOMEN will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.

5 – HANDWRITING
MEN, to their credit, do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken-scratch.
WOMEN use scented, colored stationary and they dot their “i’s” with circles
and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their “p’s” and “g’s”. It
is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you,
she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

6 – BATHROOMS
MEN have, at most, six items in his bathroom – a toothbrush, toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
WOMEN: The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.

7 – GROCERIES
WOMEN make a list of things they need and then goes to the store and buys
these things.
MEN wait till the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and
something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything
that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is
packed tighter that the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course,
this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

8 – GOING OUT ON A DATE:
MEN: When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out.
WOMEN: When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready
to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her
makeup…

9 – SHOES
WOMEN: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and
then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic
bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes.
Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her
desk.
MEN: A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.

10 – CATS
WOMEN love cats.
MEN say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Christmas is over, but with TEN grandkids, birthday present shopping is
another adventure. So I walked into a store because I saw a Barbie doll and
considered it for my granddaughters.

“How much is that Barbie in the window?” I asked the shop assistant.

In a condescending manner she responded, “Which Barbie? We have . .
  Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95
  Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95
  Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95
  Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95
  Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95 and
  Barbie Gets a Divorce for $265.00.”

I had to ask, you know. Wouldn’t you?

“Why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?”

“Isn’t that obvious?” the assistant declared. “Divorced Barbie comes with
Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…”

Oh, my.

~~
Dr Bob, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Here are the TOP 12 Street Names IN ORDER of most popular

Continue reading →

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

YOU KNOW YOU’RE TOO STRESSED WHEN…

You can achieve a “runners high” by sitting up.

The sun is too loud.

You are missing several days from this week.

Trees begin to chase you.

You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

You wonder if brewing is *really* a necessary step for the consumption of
coffee.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you’ve
said it before.

You can hear mimes.

Things become “very clear.” Everything is “very clear, indeed.”

You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

Your heart beats in 7/8 time.

You and reality file for divorce.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you’ve
said it before.

It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.

You can travel without moving.

Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.

You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a
nasty tiff over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for the next day.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

[Closed circuit to Grandson Christian Joshua Griffin – happy 5th birthday,
sport. Ask your Dad about the five years we lived in Texas, but don't
believe a word.]

Need to be cheered up?
  Happy, Texas 79042
  Pep, Texas 79353
  Smiley, Texas 78159
  Paradise, Texas 76073
  Rainbow, Texas 76077
  Sweet Home, Texas 77987
  Comfort, Texas 78013
  Friendship, Texas 76530

Love the Sun?
  Sun City, Texas 78628
  Sunrise, Texas 76661
  Sunset, Texas 76270
  Sundown, Texas 79372
  Sunray, Texas 79086
  Sunny Side, Texas 77423

Want something to eat?
  Bacon, Texas 76301
  Noodle, Texas 79536
  Oatmeal, Texas 78605
  Turkey, Texas 79261
  Trout, Texas 75789
  Sugar Land, Texas 77479
  Salty, Texas 76567
  Rice, Texas 75155
  And top it off with:
  Sweetwater, Texas 79556

Why travel to other cities? Texas has ‘em all
  Detroit, Texas 75436
  Colorado City, Texas 79512
  Denver City, Texas 79323
  Nevada, Texas 75173
  Memphis, Texas 79245
  Miami, Texas 79059
  Boston, Texas 75570
  Santa Fe, Texas 77517
  Tennessee Colony, Texas 75861
  Reno, Texas 75462

Feel like traveling outside the country? Don’t bother buying a plane ticket!
  Athens, Texas 75751
  Canadian, Texas 79014
  China, Texas 77613
  Egypt, Texas 77436
  Turkey, Texas 79261
  London, Texas 76854
  New London, Texas 75682
  Paris, Texas 75460

No need to travel to Washington D.C.
  Whitehouse, Texas 75791
We even have a city named after our planet!
  Earth, Texas 79031
And a city named after our State!
  Texas City, Texas 77590
Exhausted?
  Energy, Texas 76452
Cold?
  Blanket, Texas 76432
Need Office Supplies?
  Staples, Texas 78670
Men are from Mars, woman are from
  Venus, Texas 76084
You guessed it. It’s on the state line..
  Texline, Texas 79087
For the kids
  Kermit, Texas 79745
  Elmo, Texas 75118
  Nemo, Texas 76070
  Tarzan, Texas 79783
  Winnie, Texas 77665
  Sylvester, Texas 79560

Other funny city names in Texas :
  Frognot, Texas 75424
  Bigfoot, Texas 78005
  Hogeye, Texas 75423
  Cactus, Texas 79013
  Notrees, Texas 79759
  Best, Texas 76932
  Veribest, Texas 76886
  Kickapoo, Texas 75763
  Dime Box, Texas
  Telephone, Texas 75488
  Telegraph, Texas 76883
  Whiteface, Texas 79379
  Twitty, Texas 79079

And last but not least. The Anti-Democrat City
  Kilgore, Texas 75662

P.S. whoops, left out
  Cut n Shoot,
  Gun Barrell City,
  Hoop And Holler, and
  Ding Dong.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin, http://grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

[adapted from the "Maxine" cartoon]

You know it’s a cold day when your teeth start chattering and they’re still
on the nightstand

There really are only two seasons in Wyoming – “allergy” and “flu”

I’d shovel the walk except for one reason – visitors may come

I’m right on schedule – winter is half over and I’m half frozen

You can tell that this is the cold and flu season. Even the non-smokers are
coughing.

And I don’t really want to know exactly what is frozen in guy’s mustaches
this time of year

Handy winter tip – if you leave a tortilla out for a week or two, it makes a
handy ice scraper

I don’t make snowman. If I wanted to hang around a cold man with slush for
brains, I’d still be married

~~
Dr Bob, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

FOR ORIGIONAL CONTEST CLICK HERE 

Many came up with the obvious – “Old owls never die, they just don’t give a
hoot”

Here are some of the “basic” answers:

Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
Old postal employees never die, they just are marked “return to sender”.
Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
Old teachers never die, they just lose their class.

And some “special” answers from YOU!

Diane said, “Old cleaning people never die, they just Vanish.”
“Old journalists never die, they just go out of print.”
“Old photographers never die, they just close their shutters.”

Phil from Wales, UK said, “Old musicians never die, they just decompose”

Bob J said “Old lawyers never die, they just lose their last case.”
“Old sewage workers never die, they just go down the drain.”

Sue added, “Old sewage workers never die, they just smell that way.”
“Old beauticians never die, they just curl up and dye.”

Dave writes, “Old quarterbacks never die, they just keep on sneaking.”
“Old sewage workers never die, they just keep on plugging.”

Bryan said, “Old librarians never die, they just check out.”
“Old veterinarians never die, they just get put to sleep.”

John who works at Parson Technology adds: “Old programmers never die, they
just lose their byte.”

Brian M adds “Old Postal employees never die, they just lose their ZIP.”

Better than John who said “Old postal employees never die, they just
reload.” Oh, my.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped
him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly
hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large
plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and
then the still shaking driver said, “I’m sorry but you scared the daylights
out of me.”

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn’t realize
a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, “No, no, I’m sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my
first day driving a cab. I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given

Bookmark It

Hide Sites